God hates me...

First day at a new job and I get sent home injured..
Who was it I massacred in a former life to deserve this turn of events?
The induction started fine. We met the Store Manager – a fairly pleasant man from Sheffield who was smartly dressed and cleanly-spoken – and our Line Manager ‘Dave’, who I suspect has an IQ that is a smaller number than my shoe size.
We watched a lovely video on the history of the company, and then another one all about their international development and future plans, which absolutely do not include taking advantage of foreign working conditions to make a huge profit at the expense of Chinese children or African women. Absolutely not. All vicious rumours and scandal-mongering by their opposition, it turns out. It must have struck a chord somewhere though as section of the video disproving it was about 25 minutes long.
We then got allocated lockers and employee numbers, and made our way to the shop floor for our Grand Tour. I should have realised someone was out to get me when I skidded through some orange juice that had been spilt in the Dairy section, but I wiped my shoes on a dressing-gown as we went through the Clothing department and carried on regardless.
An hour later we were starting work. I was partnered with a ‘buddy’ called Claire, who will help and supervise and guide me until I have mastered the complex world of putting tins of peas onto a shelf.
It was all going so well until our ‘lunch’ break. (at 2.45am)
My locker key wouldn’t work, and when I pulled it hard to get the key out of the door, the whole bank of lockers tipped away from the wall and dumped everything on top of it onto me, including someone’s motorbike helmet that used my left foot as a landing mat.
So now I am home, bruised and swollen, but re-assured that sometime today, Dave will be putting a sign up asking people not to put things on top of the lockers.
I feel so much better. Thanks Dave. If only you could spell, much less use a computer, I might feel assured that this wouldn’t happen again…

RC 11-11-08
0855 GMT