An eclectic mix..

We all know the saying - “If the wind changes while you’re pulling a face, you’ll be stuck like that forever.” Surely if that’s true, you just pull your face so it looks how it did originally, and wait for the wind to change again? There’s only so many ways your face can contort, and only so long that the wind can maintain a constant direction…

If Friday the 13th is an unlucky date, why don’t all calendars and diaries just burst into flames when they’re printed?

Again I thank the Lord for mums departure. Being under the same roof as her again just made me feel like a six-year-old, scared that I might get hit again any second just because mums feeling ‘sauced’
Her burgeoning weight and dissolving liver are now a problem for Yorkshire NHS Trust, and they’re welcome to them.

Hate-filled Haiku

Jamie Oliver
is a chuffing waste of space
someone should eat him

I hate bus drivers
they always want exact change
and smell of stale sweat

why does my sex life
involve drunken nights of filth
with ugly fat chicks?

I have a birthmark
in an unfortunate place
shaped like a walrus

My mum is a bitch
who put drink before her kids
Thank God she ****ed off

I hate all sportsmen
with their fitness and their looks
How I envy them…

Why does the weather
always piss down on Norfolk?
WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?

When did my haiku
become just hate-filled ramblings
about chefs and rain?

I might start getting driving lessons.

RC 24-10-08
1905 BST