Advent Eve!!!

Holy sh*t on a snowflake, it is very nearly December!
Mathew is excited and asking why we haven't decorated yet, but we have said we are going to hold off until next weekend as that is the first weekend in Christmas month and that's just the way we do things. In truth, we are going to wait for him to go to sleep tonight and then put the tree up so he sees it in the morning when we get up. And I can't wait to see his little face when he walks into the lounge tomorrow, so I'll be up and about early and ready to see the surprise.
I realise now, writing it here, that it will be yet another lie that I have told my son as we approach the time of year when we're trying to teach him to be truthful and nice and good and kind. Such a weird thing, Christmas, when you think of it. Telling our young 'uns that a strange man will enter the house and that's fine, when we spend the rest of the time telling them to be wary of strangers. Being more and more deceptive each year as they start to figure things out. Finding more and more elaborate ways to keep the lie going and to elaborate the story and to 'increase the wonder' which in reality is setting them up for huge heartbreak when they discover it's all been a bunch of bullsh*t and we've taken them for fools and they should never trust adults again; especially those closest to them, as they are the ones who have perpetrated this fraud.
I mean, it's psychotic and insane, but I'm still going to do it.

RC 30-11-25

not just for the children

It's the last weekend of November, and it's the first time I've woken up on a Saturday feeling like it's a proper weekend. I have finally got used to my new routine and accepted that I really do have two days off in a row each week. A marvellous, marvellous thing to feel, and one that I know many of you will have as a regular occurrence, but many others of you will never get to experience, so I shan't go on about it, except to say that it feels great today.
In other news, we are popping out to buy Mathew his advent calendar today. He seems to have developed an obsessive infatuation with Spider-Man at the moment, so we're looking for something suitable, while also being aware that his little obsessive infatuations tend to only last about a week before being replaced by something completely different, but equally as all-encompassing (I wonder where he gets that from???). So there's a chance he may get to December 7th and not be bothered about opening any more of the windows.
But we'll deal with that if it happens.
Personally, I'm on the lookout for a Toblerone one, despite the constant onslaught of comments from my wife like, "aren't you too old for an advent calendar now?"

RC 29-11-25

short one

I have decided I will get back into Friku - my own particular brand of haiku poetry, written and posted on a Friday, and reflecting my life and movements of the previous 7 days or so.
I will get back into it.
Not today, but I will.

RC 28-11-25

a little rant. just a little one...

So - back to my main point of yesterday. Sometimes people p**s me off so much that I wish I had been born as a different animal entirely, one that has no encounters whatsoever with the human race and one that doesn't have to be ashamed of its fellow creatures.
There seems to be a certain number, and I'm not sure what it is yet, beyond which a gathering of individuals becomes a collection of twattish clones of each other. Chat to one fellow person and you can talk to them as they really are and have a proper conversation; go beyond two or three and suddenly they're all trying to impress each other and out-do each other and it all becomes competitive and false and, frankly, irritating. I hope I'm not the same. I don't think I am. If anything, I'm the opposite, becoming quieter and more withdrawn rather than trying to rise up and be even louder than the loud people around me. And thankfully, most of my interactions do involve small numbers, and often they are all from the same family, so they are respectful of each other and used to each other and not overacting or over-reacting or over-compensating for whatever weird insecurities we all seem to have when we're around others. Am I making sense? Probably not, but it's doing me good to get rid of it all and clear my head a bit before I have to go into a meeting where there will be at least a dozen people and they will all be trying to be seen as the most important, most manager-like and most witty person in the room, if not the county.
My point is - if you ever want to have a conversation with me in person, please make sure there are only a couple of you in your grouping, or I'm liable to go into self-protective anti-twat mode and may come across as a little rude.

RC 27-11-25

Thank the Lord

Sometimes I get so sick of people that it's tempting to volunteer on a remote island somewhere. I'm sure there must be religious organisations that send people into scarcely-populated areas to try and bring a taste of 'civilisation' to the locals. I'm not religious in any way, but I'm sure I could lie convincingly in the interview and get myself a decent position overseas. How could they even prove if I was agnostic or not? I guess they could ask me questions about The Bible, but it's a very big book and I can't imagine anyone - even the most fervently devout of bishops - knows the whole thing word for word, so I could just make up my favourite bit of it and they'd probably not know if it was fiction or not. "It is like it says in Paul, chapter 5," I could say, "that it is better to pass through the eye of a camel than to ride a donkey sideways over Bethlehem. I take that to mean that we should all iron our own shirts on Tuesdays and teach young children ballet" and they would look at me and say, "He knows his shit, this one..." (or something similar, but more priestly).
I distracted myself from my point there, which was going to be about people, and how I'm sick of them. But weirdly enough, typing about an imaginary scenario where I get to discuss The Good Book with interviewers has actually chilled me out a bit and made me feel more understanding. So maybe this religion thing works after all....

RC 26-11-25

Too early for mulled wine?

And suddenly, Christmas plans are afoot at work post-haste. I am snowed under (pardon the pun) and spending every spare second of my day dealing with deliveries of decorations, sorting seasonal supplies and rewriting rotas. And I make no apologies for my deliberate use of alliteration there, as Christmas is a time of ditties and dances, and traditions and terminology, and tinsel and tongue-twisters. It isn't, of course, but I got a little lost in the moment there. My head is full of elf costumes, advent calendars and making sure we have enough wrapping paper for the number of little presents we'll be a) using to make the place look more festive, and b) having on hand to give to each visiting child. I'm not sure exactly how many extra visitors we'll have on site for our special Winter Wonderland days, but I think we have about 800 families booked already so we're probably looking at maybe a thousand or so. Plus the usual near-full-capacity residents that will be in the accommodations themselves. Fun and games, eh?

RC 25-11-25

odd, and lovely

It's still a bit weird, having two days off next to each other. I haven't quite settled back into the routine yet. I go to bed on a Friday completely forgetting I don't have to get up at any set time on the Saturday, and then I get confused later on because I think, "I've been at home today, I must be back at work tomorrow..." It really is confusing for a simple country girl like me.
Today's been nice though. Avoided the unpleasant weather by going out for lunch (we do love a good carvery) and then visited a couple of friends for the afternoon. Much tea was drunk, much chat was had, and Mathew got to have fun bouncing around in someone else's house for a change, which always gives him a delightful glee. He is now fast asleep, laying in his little bed with a satisfied smile on his beautiful face. And I am free to lose myself in the pleasure of Sunday night NFL coverage and some snacks.

RC 23-11-25

thoughts on the temperature (a poem)

The cold bites
My aching skin throbs with a growing glowing
A sudden, sullen feeling falls upon me
Core functions destabilised

Mist hangs in the air
Snow clouds threatening; thrilling; thrusting
Floating by as if blown by a dozen reindeer
Winter arriving all around

RC 19-11-25

content

I'm busily sorting out maintenance schedules and rotas and generally having a gentle, enjoyable time of it in the office. I have some lovely classical music playing in the background, a healthy pre-prepared lunch waiting for me in the fridge, and Earl Grey tea has never tasted better.
It's so weird to think that this is the same office I sit in during June, July and August, frantically dealing with six hundred and seven different issues and incidents, juggling e-mails and meetings and phone calls and breakdowns and basically being run ragged. I know I've already mentioned it, but it's like I change jobs completely in September and take on a different role.

At home, Philippa and I are discussing what date we pick to start talking to Mathew about Christmas. The bloody adverts are all over the telly, the supermarkets are full of the bloody seasonal specials and I'm amazed we haven't heard Wham on the radio already. It'll be nice to have a big build-up but we don't want to kickstart too early. We're aware that he is getting into the perfect age now for all the magic to be meaningful and we want to make the most of it while we have it, because we know that it'll be frighteningly soon that he'll suddenly be a teenager, and it will have to mean something different. We even thought about taking him for a special Christmas excursion, but then we looked up the prices, and we decided not to spend six months-worth of food and bills on a 3-day trip to Lapland...

RC 18-11-25

confused

It's crazy that we're nearer December than October now. I always say life slows down in the Winter months and an hour of Summer time is extended to a week once the clocks change, but November seems to be flying by like Santa flying by on his sleigh. (Yes, I'm starting to drop in the Christmas references already...)
I suppose my job takes me straight from school holiday mode into Halloween prep, and then we had our little breakaway, and so I wasn't sitting around getting depressed as the evenings got darker and the daytimes got shorter. I barely even noticed. And because I'm not hit by SAD yet and keeping myself occupied, the days are just wandering by. Which is great, coz the sooner we get to March and the return of the buds and birdies the happier I always am.

RC 17-11-25

weirdness

The Sunday delightfulness seems to have been heightened by the fact that I've already had a day off the day before, but in a strange, unexpected way, I'm also finding that the terrible 'back to school tomorrow' Sunday evening blues have been strengthened simultaneously. Normally, during the busy season, I'm so determined to enjoy my one day off with the family that I pack loads of stuff in and don't even think about the fact that I'll be back onsite the next morning. Now I have more time away, it feels more of a hardship to go back again. But I'm not going to complain - it's actually lovely to be in this position - and once I get used to it again, I know it'll be a godsend. And while I'm adjusting and acclimatising, I can sit with some snacks and watch the NFL...

RC 16-11-25

an addendum

Also meant to say - I have no idea why I get so emotional at the end of a fireworks display, but I do, and this year was no exception. Does it connect me to generations past, watching their own displays in the very early days of pyrotechnics? Is it a sense of wonder and majesty that just overwhelms me and makes me appreciative of what humankind has been able to accomplish? Is it the sheer onslaught of sensory stimulation that provokes a visceral response? I don't know for sure, but it's primal, and unstoppable, and I am not ashamed of it in any way. And maybe it was heightened by virtue of me being there with my son, but I had a lump firmly wedged in my throat, and a fair tear or two rolling down my cheek.

RC 15-11-25

well...

Look at me - sitting at home on a Saturday with no work to do!!
Bloody marvellous, and much needed after a long, difficult, tiring season of weekends. Despite having been away a while, I don't actually have much to tell you about. I do suddenly realise, however, that I never reported back about the rather wondrous fireworks display we went to. I think it's been pretty well reported in the annals of this blog that I am a huge fan of Bonfire Night, and this year's was up there with the best of them. Mainly, I guess, because Mathew seems to have inherited my unbridled joy of the occasion, and threw himself into it with the same six-year-old wonder that he throws himself into most things. I had him on my shoulders while the main display was exploding and he was giggling and bouncing around like a Christmas elf full of Red Bull. The display itself was superb, I have to say, although quite short time-wise. The phrase 'quality, not quantity' certainly applies though. It was at a small public venue that hasn't hosted an event like this for over a decade, but is determined to build itself up as an annual must-go-to family affair, and I have to say that if they carry on like this, that is certainly what it will become. I know they probably went a bit full-on for the first year to make it attractive, and that it may not be to this standard every year, but by the sheer number of people that were there - and each of them paying £10 for the privilege - I can't see it doing anything but growing.
I'm going to leave it there for now because I feel like I'm not making sense. My little unplanned gap from blogging has seen me lose a bit of my momentum (and understanding of the written language). Plus - I have a fun day planned with my sons BECAUSE IT'S A SATURDAY AND I'M NOT WORKING!!!

RC 15-11-25

Quietus

It's so weird to be sitting here with very little to do. Don't get me wrong, I've got lots to get on with, but it ain't like the middle of August, or even the end of October.  There are Christmas plans and there are rotas to finalise and there are maintenance contracts to sort out, etc, etc, but it's all general stuff - there's nothing overwhelmingly pressing. There's nothing rising up unexpectedly to catch me out and add to my workload. There aren't a hundred and one daily tasks to battle through while also fighting fires, and compared to what we've recently been through, there's barely anyone on site! I know I've said it before, but when you look at the year as a whole, it really is like I have two jobs. One is full on, stressful, flat-out, exhausting and relentless; and now I get to enjoy the other one....

RC 6-11-25

Ya gotta love it. (Well, I do...)

It's amazing how my attitude to Hallowe'en has changed since becoming a parent. I'm sure I used to complain and moan on this blogsite in times past, annoyed at the Americanisation of a British date and bitching about the number of expectant visitors that used to show up on our doorsteps. But now I love it.  I don't care if it's based on devil worship or a celebration of dark deeds. I don't care if it's yet another example of our home country stealing an idea from across the Atlantic. I don't even care if it goes against the general teachings that we give children and instead encourages them to approach strangers and accept potentially-poisoned eateries from random houses; or if it leads to unhealthy diet and poor dental hygiene. I love it. It's become its very own thing now, over and above the dark origins and the borrowed-from-our-Yank-cousins-ness. It's fun, it gives families something to look forward to as the evenings draw in and the daylight disappears, and it's NICE. It's dressing up and going out and seeing your neighbours and sharing an experience with others and rewarding bravery and encouraging interaction and teaching trust and showing how to share and that's great, and if you see it any other way, I feel sorry for you.
And tomorrow we get to watch FIREWORKS!!!!

RC 4-1-25

a reason to be (REALLY) cheerful

I have worked my last full Saturday.
And that is HUGE!

RC 3-11-25

a poem

I have to learn to trust myself
when everything seems lost
I have to learn that selling out
is never worth the cost

I have to learn that being right
is meaningless and vain
I have to learn that nights of love
are worth the days of pain

I have to learn that other people
count as much as me
I have to learn restrictions
are the price of being free

I have to learn to fail with grace
and not to blame the rest
and learn to fight the lethargy
and always give my best

I have to learn that life is light
and death is always near
I have to learn to use my time
before I disappear

RC 15-11-25