Samey

Didn't expect to be saying this, and certainly not so soon, but I'm getting a bit fed up of the sickly taste of peanut butter cups every morning...

We did our first Christmassy weekend stuff last week and it all went well, so it's just rinse and repeat today and tomorrow and hopefully we'll see more happy families and cheerful children. The week has been a strange one. Aside from the yuletide fun and games we actually have very little to do at the moment, and I have to say it is very nice, although feeling a little weird. I'm so used to being flat-out busy that it's hard for me to switch off a bit and be paid for doing a lot less; but I'm getting used to it! I've already managed to watch a large portion of my Christmas viewing essentials, I have done ALL of my festive shopping, and I've managed to learn a couple more card tricks by watching tutorials on YouTube. And, by the way, when I say I have done ALL my festive shopping, I mean I have done ALL my festive shopping! I used to roll my eyes at people that got everything done ahead of time, claiming that I need the pressure of a deadline and the thrill of the last-minute rush before I could make any choices, but I have to say it feels great to have it all done and dusted, and my only task gift-wise now is wrapping, which I must confess I am not a fan of. But I'm determined to get ahead with that too, so I'm having all my ordered gifts delivered to work and I'm going to spend a day or two next week and just get it all done in my office.
Right - best I better get on with it. Families are imminent onsite. Go, Rory, GO!!!

RC 13-12-25

Exciting!

Mathew's Christmas list makes for very interesting reading. I know it's only the first draft, but it's as if he spent a morning watching every possible advert for toys online and then threw in everything his friends own as an afterthought.
He is being very businesslike about it, too. I fear we may have a naturally highly-skilled negotiator on our hands. He has reasoning behind every choice and he has been giving us a list of reasons why he deserves each item specifically, even though it is not us that makes these decisions, of course, it is Father Christmas...

RC 5-12-25

Huff

Well, the meeting was a bit of a non-event, in more than one way. Gavin chatted to me as if our little spat had never happened, which I must give him credit for (although the chances are he has simply forgotten about it, rather than worked through it) and I have to say the whole thing was about as much use as a record player made of cheese. We are all perfectly prepared and sorted and we don't need the owner of the company sweeping in and saving us, especially when he's only turned up a few days before things start happening. If a manager really wants to manage, shouldn't they be on hand when things are being instigated, planned and discussed; not 72 hours before it kicks off, when it's too late to have an influence in any way and all the cracks have already been ironed out? It's a bit like Father Christmas walking into the toy factory on the morning of December 23rd and going, "How are we doing with plans for making toys this year?" He'd have been more help if he'd kept himself away. Honestly, today felt about as useful as a pizza oven made of chocolate.

RC 4-12-25
2145 GMT

Stuff

We have a big meeting today to discuss final checks for the month ahead, and it will be the first time I have sat in a room with Gavin since our 'disagreement' last month. I shall enter the room with quiet trepidation, and I shall report back later on how events unfolded.
Meanwhile, I shall bore you with my musings on the current NFL season:
This is the first time in many a year that we are into December with me having not one single solitary iota of a clue about who may end up contesting the Super Bowl in February. I am as baffled by the struggles of the Chiefs as I am by the successes of my 49ers. Every time I think a team is starting to stand out as a contender, they get taken out by a weaker team. The Patriots, Bears and Broncos all sit atop their divisions without really looking like play-off teams, and franchises like the Rams and Packers have the occasional look of champions but keep somehow shooting themselves in the foot. The quality seems lower but the excitement seems higher, that would be my conclusion at this point. Uncertainty reigns and inconsistency flourishes and I for one hope it might continue.

RC 4-12-25

a worrying development

Only two days in, and the peanut butter chocolate hit after breakfast may already be causing an issue. I have a rather unpleasant pain in one of my molars, which is tingling away in the background while I'm trying to concentrate on paperwork.

RC 2-12-25

Into Yule...

I had a weird mini-panic attack today, thinking about everything that's coming up this month and worrying about messing it up for people. I suddenly seem to have responsibility over a lot of things that could be great future memories for people if I get them right, or huge disappointments if I get them wrong. My own children, other people's children, local schools who will be visiting, holidaymakers on their festive trips, my wife who deserves a relaxed, love-filled break from work. It just seems to be a big list of folk that I have influence over, when what I really want to do is just lose myself in a world of Christmas movies and indulgence and have someone else be responsible for my happiness. I suddenly feel like the grown-up when I want to do is enjoy the December magic as a child.
On a not-unrelated note, Mathew and I had a great time opening our advent calendars together this morning. Well, I had a great time, he just wanted to get to the chocolate, but for me it felt like a real moment. And I didn't manage to get a Toblerone one for myself, but I did manage to get a Reese's one that gifts me a peanut butter cup every morning and that is a very, very satisfactory substitute.

RC 1-12-25

Advent Eve!!!

Holy sh*t on a snowflake, it is very nearly December!
Mathew is excited and asking why we haven't decorated yet, but we have said we are going to hold off until next weekend as that is the first weekend in Christmas month and that's just the way we do things. In truth, we are going to wait for him to go to sleep tonight and then put the tree up so he sees it in the morning when we get up. And I can't wait to see his little face when he walks into the lounge tomorrow, so I'll be up and about early and ready to see the surprise.
I realise now, writing it here, that it will be yet another lie that I have told my son as we approach the time of year when we're trying to teach him to be truthful and nice and good and kind. Such a weird thing, Christmas, when you think of it. Telling our young 'uns that a strange man will enter the house and that's fine, when we spend the rest of the time telling them to be wary of strangers. Being more and more deceptive each year as they start to figure things out. Finding more and more elaborate ways to keep the lie going and to elaborate the story and to 'increase the wonder' which in reality is setting them up for huge heartbreak when they discover it's all been a bunch of bullsh*t and we've taken them for fools and they should never trust adults again; especially those closest to them, as they are the ones who have perpetrated this fraud.
I mean, it's psychotic and insane, but I'm still going to do it.

RC 30-11-25

not just for the children

It's the last weekend of November, and it's the first time I've woken up on a Saturday feeling like it's a proper weekend. I have finally got used to my new routine and accepted that I really do have two days off in a row each week. A marvellous, marvellous thing to feel, and one that I know many of you will have as a regular occurrence, but many others of you will never get to experience, so I shan't go on about it, except to say that it feels great today.
In other news, we are popping out to buy Mathew his advent calendar today. He seems to have developed an obsessive infatuation with Spider-Man at the moment, so we're looking for something suitable, while also being aware that his little obsessive infatuations tend to only last about a week before being replaced by something completely different, but equally as all-encompassing (I wonder where he gets that from???). So there's a chance he may get to December 7th and not be bothered about opening any more of the windows.
But we'll deal with that if it happens.
Personally, I'm on the lookout for a Toblerone one, despite the constant onslaught of comments from my wife like, "aren't you too old for an advent calendar now?"

RC 29-11-25

short one

I have decided I will get back into Friku - my own particular brand of haiku poetry, written and posted on a Friday, and reflecting my life and movements of the previous 7 days or so.
I will get back into it.
Not today, but I will.

RC 28-11-25

a little rant. just a little one...

So - back to my main point of yesterday. Sometimes people p**s me off so much that I wish I had been born as a different animal entirely, one that has no encounters whatsoever with the human race and one that doesn't have to be ashamed of its fellow creatures.
There seems to be a certain number, and I'm not sure what it is yet, beyond which a gathering of individuals becomes a collection of twattish clones of each other. Chat to one fellow person and you can talk to them as they really are and have a proper conversation; go beyond two or three and suddenly they're all trying to impress each other and out-do each other and it all becomes competitive and false and, frankly, irritating. I hope I'm not the same. I don't think I am. If anything, I'm the opposite, becoming quieter and more withdrawn rather than trying to rise up and be even louder than the loud people around me. And thankfully, most of my interactions do involve small numbers, and often they are all from the same family, so they are respectful of each other and used to each other and not overacting or over-reacting or over-compensating for whatever weird insecurities we all seem to have when we're around others. Am I making sense? Probably not, but it's doing me good to get rid of it all and clear my head a bit before I have to go into a meeting where there will be at least a dozen people and they will all be trying to be seen as the most important, most manager-like and most witty person in the room, if not the county.
My point is - if you ever want to have a conversation with me in person, please make sure there are only a couple of you in your grouping, or I'm liable to go into self-protective anti-twat mode and may come across as a little rude.

RC 27-11-25

Thank the Lord

Sometimes I get so sick of people that it's tempting to volunteer on a remote island somewhere. I'm sure there must be religious organisations that send people into scarcely-populated areas to try and bring a taste of 'civilisation' to the locals. I'm not religious in any way, but I'm sure I could lie convincingly in the interview and get myself a decent position overseas. How could they even prove if I was agnostic or not? I guess they could ask me questions about The Bible, but it's a very big book and I can't imagine anyone - even the most fervently devout of bishops - knows the whole thing word for word, so I could just make up my favourite bit of it and they'd probably not know if it was fiction or not. "It is like it says in Paul, chapter 5," I could say, "that it is better to pass through the eye of a camel than to ride a donkey sideways over Bethlehem. I take that to mean that we should all iron our own shirts on Tuesdays and teach young children ballet" and they would look at me and say, "He knows his shit, this one..." (or something similar, but more priestly).
I distracted myself from my point there, which was going to be about people, and how I'm sick of them. But weirdly enough, typing about an imaginary scenario where I get to discuss The Good Book with interviewers has actually chilled me out a bit and made me feel more understanding. So maybe this religion thing works after all....

RC 26-11-25

Too early for mulled wine?

And suddenly, Christmas plans are afoot at work post-haste. I am snowed under (pardon the pun) and spending every spare second of my day dealing with deliveries of decorations, sorting seasonal supplies and rewriting rotas. And I make no apologies for my deliberate use of alliteration there, as Christmas is a time of ditties and dances, and traditions and terminology, and tinsel and tongue-twisters. It isn't, of course, but I got a little lost in the moment there. My head is full of elf costumes, advent calendars and making sure we have enough wrapping paper for the number of little presents we'll be a) using to make the place look more festive, and b) having on hand to give to each visiting child. I'm not sure exactly how many extra visitors we'll have on site for our special Winter Wonderland days, but I think we have about 800 families booked already so we're probably looking at maybe a thousand or so. Plus the usual near-full-capacity residents that will be in the accommodations themselves. Fun and games, eh?

RC 25-11-25

odd, and lovely

It's still a bit weird, having two days off next to each other. I haven't quite settled back into the routine yet. I go to bed on a Friday completely forgetting I don't have to get up at any set time on the Saturday, and then I get confused later on because I think, "I've been at home today, I must be back at work tomorrow..." It really is confusing for a simple country girl like me.
Today's been nice though. Avoided the unpleasant weather by going out for lunch (we do love a good carvery) and then visited a couple of friends for the afternoon. Much tea was drunk, much chat was had, and Mathew got to have fun bouncing around in someone else's house for a change, which always gives him a delightful glee. He is now fast asleep, laying in his little bed with a satisfied smile on his beautiful face. And I am free to lose myself in the pleasure of Sunday night NFL coverage and some snacks.

RC 23-11-25

thoughts on the temperature (a poem)

The cold bites
My aching skin throbs with a growing glowing
A sudden, sullen feeling falls upon me
Core functions destabilised

Mist hangs in the air
Snow clouds threatening; thrilling; thrusting
Floating by as if blown by a dozen reindeer
Winter arriving all around

RC 19-11-25

content

I'm busily sorting out maintenance schedules and rotas and generally having a gentle, enjoyable time of it in the office. I have some lovely classical music playing in the background, a healthy pre-prepared lunch waiting for me in the fridge, and Earl Grey tea has never tasted better.
It's so weird to think that this is the same office I sit in during June, July and August, frantically dealing with six hundred and seven different issues and incidents, juggling e-mails and meetings and phone calls and breakdowns and basically being run ragged. I know I've already mentioned it, but it's like I change jobs completely in September and take on a different role.

At home, Philippa and I are discussing what date we pick to start talking to Mathew about Christmas. The bloody adverts are all over the telly, the supermarkets are full of the bloody seasonal specials and I'm amazed we haven't heard Wham on the radio already. It'll be nice to have a big build-up but we don't want to kickstart too early. We're aware that he is getting into the perfect age now for all the magic to be meaningful and we want to make the most of it while we have it, because we know that it'll be frighteningly soon that he'll suddenly be a teenager, and it will have to mean something different. We even thought about taking him for a special Christmas excursion, but then we looked up the prices, and we decided not to spend six months-worth of food and bills on a 3-day trip to Lapland...

RC 18-11-25

confused

It's crazy that we're nearer December than October now. I always say life slows down in the Winter months and an hour of Summer time is extended to a week once the clocks change, but November seems to be flying by like Santa flying by on his sleigh. (Yes, I'm starting to drop in the Christmas references already...)
I suppose my job takes me straight from school holiday mode into Halloween prep, and then we had our little breakaway, and so I wasn't sitting around getting depressed as the evenings got darker and the daytimes got shorter. I barely even noticed. And because I'm not hit by SAD yet and keeping myself occupied, the days are just wandering by. Which is great, coz the sooner we get to March and the return of the buds and birdies the happier I always am.

RC 17-11-25

weirdness

The Sunday delightfulness seems to have been heightened by the fact that I've already had a day off the day before, but in a strange, unexpected way, I'm also finding that the terrible 'back to school tomorrow' Sunday evening blues have been strengthened simultaneously. Normally, during the busy season, I'm so determined to enjoy my one day off with the family that I pack loads of stuff in and don't even think about the fact that I'll be back onsite the next morning. Now I have more time away, it feels more of a hardship to go back again. But I'm not going to complain - it's actually lovely to be in this position - and once I get used to it again, I know it'll be a godsend. And while I'm adjusting and acclimatising, I can sit with some snacks and watch the NFL...

RC 16-11-25

an addendum

Also meant to say - I have no idea why I get so emotional at the end of a fireworks display, but I do, and this year was no exception. Does it connect me to generations past, watching their own displays in the very early days of pyrotechnics? Is it a sense of wonder and majesty that just overwhelms me and makes me appreciative of what humankind has been able to accomplish? Is it the sheer onslaught of sensory stimulation that provokes a visceral response? I don't know for sure, but it's primal, and unstoppable, and I am not ashamed of it in any way. And maybe it was heightened by virtue of me being there with my son, but I had a lump firmly wedged in my throat, and a fair tear or two rolling down my cheek.

RC 15-11-25

well...

Look at me - sitting at home on a Saturday with no work to do!!
Bloody marvellous, and much needed after a long, difficult, tiring season of weekends. Despite having been away a while, I don't actually have much to tell you about. I do suddenly realise, however, that I never reported back about the rather wondrous fireworks display we went to. I think it's been pretty well reported in the annals of this blog that I am a huge fan of Bonfire Night, and this year's was up there with the best of them. Mainly, I guess, because Mathew seems to have inherited my unbridled joy of the occasion, and threw himself into it with the same six-year-old wonder that he throws himself into most things. I had him on my shoulders while the main display was exploding and he was giggling and bouncing around like a Christmas elf full of Red Bull. The display itself was superb, I have to say, although quite short time-wise. The phrase 'quality, not quantity' certainly applies though. It was at a small public venue that hasn't hosted an event like this for over a decade, but is determined to build itself up as an annual must-go-to family affair, and I have to say that if they carry on like this, that is certainly what it will become. I know they probably went a bit full-on for the first year to make it attractive, and that it may not be to this standard every year, but by the sheer number of people that were there - and each of them paying £10 for the privilege - I can't see it doing anything but growing.
I'm going to leave it there for now because I feel like I'm not making sense. My little unplanned gap from blogging has seen me lose a bit of my momentum (and understanding of the written language). Plus - I have a fun day planned with my sons BECAUSE IT'S A SATURDAY AND I'M NOT WORKING!!!

RC 15-11-25

Quietus

It's so weird to be sitting here with very little to do. Don't get me wrong, I've got lots to get on with, but it ain't like the middle of August, or even the end of October.  There are Christmas plans and there are rotas to finalise and there are maintenance contracts to sort out, etc, etc, but it's all general stuff - there's nothing overwhelmingly pressing. There's nothing rising up unexpectedly to catch me out and add to my workload. There aren't a hundred and one daily tasks to battle through while also fighting fires, and compared to what we've recently been through, there's barely anyone on site! I know I've said it before, but when you look at the year as a whole, it really is like I have two jobs. One is full on, stressful, flat-out, exhausting and relentless; and now I get to enjoy the other one....

RC 6-11-25

Ya gotta love it. (Well, I do...)

It's amazing how my attitude to Hallowe'en has changed since becoming a parent. I'm sure I used to complain and moan on this blogsite in times past, annoyed at the Americanisation of a British date and bitching about the number of expectant visitors that used to show up on our doorsteps. But now I love it.  I don't care if it's based on devil worship or a celebration of dark deeds. I don't care if it's yet another example of our home country stealing an idea from across the Atlantic. I don't even care if it goes against the general teachings that we give children and instead encourages them to approach strangers and accept potentially-poisoned eateries from random houses; or if it leads to unhealthy diet and poor dental hygiene. I love it. It's become its very own thing now, over and above the dark origins and the borrowed-from-our-Yank-cousins-ness. It's fun, it gives families something to look forward to as the evenings draw in and the daylight disappears, and it's NICE. It's dressing up and going out and seeing your neighbours and sharing an experience with others and rewarding bravery and encouraging interaction and teaching trust and showing how to share and that's great, and if you see it any other way, I feel sorry for you.
And tomorrow we get to watch FIREWORKS!!!!

RC 4-1-25

a reason to be (REALLY) cheerful

I have worked my last full Saturday.
And that is HUGE!

RC 3-11-25

a poem

I have to learn to trust myself
when everything seems lost
I have to learn that selling out
is never worth the cost

I have to learn that being right
is meaningless and vain
I have to learn that nights of love
are worth the days of pain

I have to learn that other people
count as much as me
I have to learn restrictions
are the price of being free

I have to learn to fail with grace
and not to blame the rest
and learn to fight the lethargy
and always give my best

I have to learn that life is light
and death is always near
I have to learn to use my time
before I disappear

RC 15-11-25

Sometimes it's nice to admit that I'm doing ok...

This really has been one of my most enjoyable weeks at work ever. And that is as much as a surprise to me as it probably is to you.
I think it's because there are fewer problems to deal with. Everyone who is here is here for the same reason and is doing the same activities. And they are so well organised and we're so well prepared that we're not having too many difficulties. In Summer, with all sorts of different things going on and all sorts of different expectations from all sorts of different visitors, it always seems like there's something that needs my attention. But this week, it's just a rinse-and-repeat, cut-and-paste, each-day-the-same-as-the-last kind of schedule and it means we're all on top of things, and at ease. The team is great, and all enjoy what they're doing, and as a result there's a lovely, welcoming atmosphere, and those who are joining us are buying into that and expanding it. And the feedback we're getting is better than I could ever have imagined. People are posting lovely pictures of their children smiling and tagging us (if that's the right word) on all their social medias, and the number of parents who have thanked us and praised us for what we're putting on is genuinely heart-warming and humbling.
I know I can be a cynic, and a bit of a snob, and I sometimes use this blogsite as a way to moan about how hard I often work and to moan about the humans I have to encounter, but when we have weeks like this, I really could not be more grateful to have the job that I do.
Happy Halloween, everyone xx.

RC 31-10-25

I just can't shake it off...

The world is determined to force me to see nothing but joy and wonder, and to notice that the happiest families are the ones that have more than just two children. This is not what I need to be seeing right now, in my unexpected week of weakness, so I'm trying to hide in the office as much as I can and distract myself by listening to music. And I'm trying very hard not to acknowledge my wife's existence in case she senses how I've been thinking and pounces upon it. And I daren't even look at her in case I find her attractive and get tempted to take her to bed.
There are drugs that can stop you feeling horny; there are drugs that can stop you feeling depressed; why aren't there any that can stop me from feeling broody???

RC 30-10-25

burying myself in work

We are flat out with families and spreading Happy Halloween cheer. I am busier than a beaver with a building contract and enjoying myself immensely. The little squeals of fear and the smiles on the faces of the many little ones that are visiting is a welcome change from the moaning adults we often deal with and makes all the effort worthwhile. We are giving away chocolate like we're oompa-loompas with a death wish and the park looks great with all the hanging decorations and the lanterns. I watch couples holding hands and smiling while their children carve our pumpkins, I see the young 'uns dressed in costumes and dancing along to our DJ, and I can't help but think, 'would having another one really be so bad?'
And that's a thought that I really need to get rid of.

RC 29-10-25

Sometimes I really don't help myself

I'd like to say it wasn't my fault, and that a series of events conspired against me, but the truth is that I allowed a certain phrase to escape from my mouth and now I am dealing with the repercussions.
This story unfolded on Sunday evening, a couple of hours after I posted in this blogsphere. And the collection of unfortunate occurrences that led to my mis-phrasing were these: Our sons unexpectedly both settled down to sleep very early (despite being told that his bedtime was looser because it was half-term, Mathew hit the hay pretty enthusiastically). (I'm blaming GMT for that one - the extra hour the night before had buggered his sleep a little and he hadn't adjusted to the clock change.) My wife decided to join me in a glass of wine or two and join me on the sofa where I was watching a game between the Cowboys and Broncos. Normally she would be in bed early on a Sunday as Monday morning at the surgery is so busy, but she had booked the week off to spend time with the boys and so was happy to sit with her hubby and chat and giggle while quaffing some Pinot Noir. It was really lovely, I have to say, and that made me get all relaxed and loved-up and led me to let my guard down a little. She gave me a nice hand massage (something new she has decided to add to her rapidly-growing repertoire of therapies) and I explained a few of the weirder rules that new NFL viewers can easily get confused by. It was such a gorgeous evening together, and something that we so rarely get these days. But then IT happened... and IT was THIS: Without thinking what I was saying, while explaining the bizarre fact that there is one player who has won more Super Bowls personally than the most successful franchise has, I stupidly uttered the phrase, "If I ever had another son, I might call him Tom Brady Chesworth." I didn't really realise what I had done, I didn't even think about an attempt to rescue myself, and there wasn't any kind of rection from Philippa beyond a smile and a sip of her alcohol. But then first thing Monday morning, when I was about to leave for work, I suddenly heard this phrase from my beloved:
"So, is the idea of a third child back on the table again, then?"

RC 28-10-25

Hey, ho, away we go...

And so the Hallowe'en half-term kicks in. Local schools have booted their little ones out into the sanctity of home life, and our sites are opening their doors for fun activities and a scare trail. I swear it's only three days ago that we reached the end of the Summer Holidays, how the heck is it this time already? They tell me time moves quicker as you get older and the years race by more quickly. That scares me because I already feel like God has had his foot on the accelerator for quite a while now, and that these landmark annual moments seem to be tumbling over each other like poorly rehearsed gymnasts. Of course, the supermarkets are well and truly into 'Christmas Hype' mode, with whole aisles given over to chocolate and sherry, and tasty Yuletide treats available already, even if they'll be out of date by Christmas if you buy them now.  Maybe there are just too many 'benchmark' events in the latter stages of the calendar. Now we have things like Black Friday crammed in alongside Bonfire Night and Advent, it's like you barely leave one Big Day behind without another one looming before you.
Today, though, I only have to think about one of them. October 31st. Although, somehow, it's become a fortnight rather than a one-day event, but that's my fault for planning so many things...

RC 27-10-25

Ignoring GMT

Another Sunday, another gruesome injury broadcast live on British TV during coverage of the NFL... I'm looking forward to the day that Mathew develops an interest in American Football and we can sit and watch games together, but I'm not sure I want my six-year-old son to see a shot of someone's foot pointing in the wrong direction after an ankle break, so I'm glad he's happy with his Lego for now.
Today has been a good one, but I hate the fact that it feels like it's almost over, when it's only 7pm. It's already been dark for nearly two hours, and we've got another 4 or 5 months of this to deal with. But I promised myself I wouldn't let it get me down, and it hasn't; not really. It was warm and sunny earlier today (when we were able to get out of the wind) and we had a lovely sunny family walk and a lovely lunch at a carvery. I went for the gammon, and pork, which turned out to be pork belly, which I would not have gone for had I realised, as it tends to be very fatty, and so it turned out to be. But - again - I refuse to let it depress me. Everything else was splendiferous, especially the cauliflower cheese. It was nice to eat out, but it reminds me how excited I am to get back into more cooking, once I switch to my Winter hours at work. Once next weekend is out of the way, I start getting two days off in a row again, and I will be throwing myself back into my resplendent Rory roasts...

RC 26-10-25

an unapologetic apology

Gavin and I spoke again today. He, sort of, expressed regret at the way he spoke to me, and the way he took the word of the guy who led the course and laid into me without giving me a chance to state my case. I'm not sure anything will change, but at least we should be able to maintain some kind of professional relationship now, and hopefully we can both learn to press pause in the future to allow us both time to calm down. Hopefully, too, he might think twice before sending me onto pointless seminars that have no earthly hope of ever teaching me anything worthwhile, which is all I was asking him about when he lost it last week. At the end of the day, I was trying to save him money and to stop his obsession with sending important staff members offsite several times a year, but he didn't see it that way. He saw it as an affront to his status as The Man In Charge, I think. Anyway, we've turned a little corner today and I'm hoping it will lead to better communication from him and a better mindset for myself, because even writing about it here has made me relive the whole thing and get a little riled up again, and that's not good for me.
Thank God I have a holiday booked next month...

RC 23-10-25

Changing challenges

My little obsession with cardistry seems to have been sidelined in favour of a brief flirtation with magic. This is, of course, what happens to me with my weird little whatever-neurodiversity-it-might-be-controlled-by brain - I get completely fixated on something and think I'll never stop thinking about it, and then that morphs into a concentrated focus on something else. So at least this one has a bit of a link to the previous one, it's not as if I've swapped learning French for studying aboriginal pottery from Tasmania. But it's still the same old behaviour. But that's just the way I am.
So having spent a while trying to perfect moves like the Boomerang Toss and the Waterwheel, I am now spending my spare moments trying sleight of hand and card forcing. With a much better degree of success, I must say. Thanks to a vast array on online tutorials where magicians are happy to throw out the old belief that 'we never reveal our tricks to anyone' I am now able to perform three different card tricks that are all quite startling for people to see. They weren't too hard to learn, but they are actually really impressive when you pull them off in front of people.
Well... Mathew and Philippa were both impressed, anyway...
By the end of next year, I might not need to hire entertainers for our clubrooms, I can just pay myself to do magic!

RC 22-10-25

Confusing conversations

Gavin and I spoke today, for the first time since our fracas. It was civil, but no more than that. I think we need to have a proper talk about it to clear the air, but he seems content to pretend it didn't happen and carry on; except for the fact that he was very different in his attitude towards me, so it's not as if it's forgotten about and he's moved on after accepting what was said. And that's a bit of a concern for me, I have to say. I need to know I can discuss problems with my employer, without subsequently being treated like a terrible partner in a relationship.
Anyway, enough of that old shite, I don't really want to waste my time with you talking about that situation.

I was talking to someone today about the Big Bang (yeah, it was one of those days - weird encounters, unexpected chats, and reminders that the world and its people will never take you down the exact path you're expecting). He was a recently retired gentleman who, by his own description, 'ain't exactly the brightest light on the Christmas tree'. He was telling me that he had heard a podcast in which it was explained that astrophysicists now say that the Big Bang didn't actually create the universe, as previously stated, but that it was the end of something else called 'expansion' which they don't know too much about. He seemed to have taken this as a personal attack, in which they had deliberately altered their view of the universe just to mess with his head. He also said, "Every few years they just make up some new shit just to get some more money, don't they?"
I told him I was inclined to agree, and that physicists were known for being a bit ostentatious and deceptive, whereas the field of chemistry was full of truth, certainty and consistency. Chemists, I told him, are the trustworthy ones. And then he went off on a rant about prescription charges....

RC 21-20-25

unexpectedly relaxed

I think my 'slight disagreement' with The Boss last week has cleared my head a little. I am in a very good mood today. I am calm, enjoying the day, conversing well with colleagues and carrying out my duties in a professional and personable manner. I think it helps that I have only a handful of Saturdays left to work, so I can very much start looking forward to weekends again.

RC 20-10-25

highlights of a meeting with my boss

Well, today may well have been the closest I have ever come to packing in a job with immediate effect. It was heated, it was unnecessary, and I lost my cool and threatened to walk out and not come back. I think the message got through though, and we eventually came to some kind of friendly conclusion and I returned to the calm of my office. Several of my colleagues could tell something had happened and came by to check on me and be supportive, and I have to say that made an amazing difference to my mood.
I'm aware I'm not explaining things very well; I'm just popping down thoughts as they come to me. So let me take you to 10am this morning, and a confrontation with my employer, whom I am refusing to name in this posting lest I thump the letters too hard and render my keyboard unusable.
It was so unnecessary.
He came barrelling in with a bug up his arse and barely said 'Hello' before launching into one of his diatribes. Apparently the leader of this week's course commented on me being 'uncooperative' and said that I might have got more from his teachings if I 'engaged more with the process' and this somehow caused embarrassment to my employer and caused upset to the course leader, which is hilarious bearing in mind he got paid a ridiculous amount of money per person for us being there. And his course, to be frank, was SHIT.
So I stood up for myself and told the truth about how pointless the whole thing was, and commented that maybe if people are so sensitive then they shouldn't be involved in management or consultancy in the first place, and managed to get a few other things off my chest that admittedly may have been best left unsaid, but he'd pushed the wrong buttons and I reacted. One thing I said was that I would seriously consider setting up my own training course and running my own seminars as I was far more experienced and qualified than any of the wasters I get sent to listen to, and could earn far more money than I am currently on by taking advantage of bosses like mine, the way these chancers seem to do with ease. That point was received particularly unwell.
But here's the thing - for the rest of the day, I've been thinking that it might actually be a good idea. Honestly, in my years of supermarket/filling station/caravan site management I've been sent on all sorts of these stupid things and I can't remember any one of them being anything close to useful. But there are loads of them available, and they're always well attended. Surely I can tap into that market and come up with something I can profit from?
Things got smoothed over today, but I don't know how many more of these run-ins I can take before I shove Gavin's head through a door.

RC 17-10-25 

Think for yourself, I beg you...

Another advert has bothered me (honestly, I don't know why I watch TV anymore). This one is all about using ChatGPT to organise your holiday. All you have to do is type in 'plan a nice trip for me and my sister' and let the sodding thing do the rest.
Is this really the best way to be adventurous and see the world? Seceding all decision making to a sodding hard drive? And, like everything else which is AI-driven, isn't it going to become increasingly narrow and repetitive? Won't everyone end up going to the same places and seeing the same things?
We really are about a year away from becoming nothing but drones.
I have so much more to say about this but so little enthusiasm about typing it. So I'm going to open a bottle of wine and do what I've been doing for months now - trying to ignore the inevitable.

RC 16-10-25

Settled

So I made it home safely. It's amazing how much I missed my boys, even though I only had 48 hours away. The first thing I did when I walked in the door was go straight to their rooms and kiss them, even though they were both fast asleep.
I'm going to have a very serious chat with Gavin this week about not sending me off for these pointless seminar things. I suppose there are people who enjoy the change of scenery and the chance to get away from the family, but for me it's a massive inconvenience and gets in the way of the most important thing in my life - spending time with my sons.

RC 15-10-25

Just what I needed...

So here I am in Peterborough (of all places). Spending time with reluctant strangers and being taught how to do something that takes up approximately 0.1% of my work life and could easily be done by an algorithm. There are people getting paid for pointless seminars like this, and my boss is gullible enough to utilise them. Maybe there's some kind of tax break for companies that spend their profits on staff improvement that I'm unaware of, or maybe he's just a sucker for a well-worded e-mail about a well-described presentation and can't help himself, but either way, here I am in a small hotel in Peterborough. My room is about the size of a garden shed, but it's comfortable, and I have an insane selection of teas to choose from, if I decide to have a hot drink. I'm guessing the owners are tea enthusiasts, because I have 13 - and I'm not kidding - different options to select from. I'm a simple man with simple tastes so I'll probably stick with the PG Tips for now, but who knows how adventurous I'll feel after a day stuck in a training room being bored senseless? That 'Arctic Blue' might just tempt me with its 'bold fruity notes' and 'refreshing finish'. God knows I need something to look forward to...
At least I persuaded Gavin to let me drive home when we finish tomorrow, rather than stay another night.

RC 13-10-25

{resigned sigh emoji}

I'm having a few days away next week, on another of those bloody courses that my esteemed boss occasionally decides I need to be sent on, normally to learn how to do something that I've been doing perfectly well at work for at least two years. I believe this one has something to do with social media, which is ridiculous as we have a social media person who works full-time. Unless Gavin is foolishly planning to bin her and dump all her workload on my desk, I really don't see what the point of this is. Especially now, when I'm gearing things up for the Hallowe'en breaks and also putting the vital touches to the Christmas plans while simultaneously planning Quiz Nights for external customers, but there we are. Obviously I'm not doing enough. Maybe he'd like to shove a brush up my arse and I can repaint the front gates as I leave...

RC 10-10-25

Imagine...

Today would have been John Lennon's 85th Birthday, had he not been taken from us back in December 1980.
I was going to mark the occasion by listing my favourite Beatles songs, but ranking them in that way feels like trying to decide which aspect of breathing is most important to me.
I would love to write an eloquent appraisal of his importance, both musically and culturally, but unfortunately I lack the ability (that he had in abundance) to place words next to each other in a beautiful, flowing way. So I will just say this - it is so sad, and so wrong, that he has now been dead for longer than he was ever alive.

RC 9-10-25

It's like I WANT to make more work for myself

Another 'great idea' may have come back to haunt me.
We often have planning meetings where Gavin reiterates his desire to make more connections between our sites and the local community, and his other desire to find ways to increase the company income over the Winter. I made one of those suggestions I sometimes make - normally hours into a meeting where I am losing the will to live and have let my imagination wander away into more pleasant pastures - when a plan falls into my mind and instantly feels like a winner, and I instantly get the urge to share it with others, even before the idea has fully formed in the forefront of my consciousness. So I opened my mouth and talked about hosting regular Quiz Nights. And now, a few weeks later, with the reality of Autumn nestled around us and the quieter times staring at us from a few miles down the road, Gavin want to press ahead, and wants me to be the instigator and lead. So now I am committed to putting together a series of themed 'fun' evenings in our main bar, which will involve reaching out to local quiz leagues and teams and inviting them onsite for 'the mother of all showdowns' and will also involve gently persuading my staff that they should spend even more time at work than they normally do, at the time of year when they normally get to have a few quiet evenings at home for a change.
I mean... in this day and age, with prices being what they are, you would hope our employees would welcome the extra shifts, but you know what the British workforce is like, right? I am about to become even more unpopular than I already have been. I'm not seen as an ogre (I don't think) but I AM seen as The Guy Most Likely To Instigate Changes That Increase Everyone's Workload, and I know I'm seen as that because it's been written very clearly on an anonymous feedback form that someone dropped into the 'Suggestions' box in the staff room. That box, by the way, was another of my bright ideas that has since bitten me in the arse while wearing fangs. For some reason, I thought allowing Those Under Me to comment honestly on the workplace without any fear of retribution would foster an atmosphere of interaction and support. Nope. I just get drawings of boobs and penises and feedback calling me a bell-end.

RC 8-10-25

less people; more problems

There seems to be a real air of unhappiness pervading our visitors at work at the moment. Can the outside world really be so bad now, that people are unable to switch off on their holidays and leave it all behind? It would appear so. Be they older or younger, city folk or country bumpkins, male, female or any chosen gender in between, all and sundry have the same look of bewilderment and despair, and walk with slumped shoulders as if the labours of Hercules have worn them down to fatigue. We continue to provide them with entertainment, opportunities to relax, and distractions, and yet still they seem determined to wallow in their bathtubs full of fret, playing with their pillars of pessimism.
Nary a smile amongst them.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. There is more and more bad news being reported and it's harder and harder to avoid it. Unless we force everyone to hand in their phone at the check-in desk there's no way of helping them disconnect. Although I dearly wish there was...

RC 7-10-25

a poem inspired by a workmate

"Sometimes I fall too far, too fast"

Yelena was from Latvia, her hair was earthy brown
I think she'd look fantastic, in a full-length wedding gown
Sabina was from Poland, her hair was black as jet
she said that, on that day, I was the best that she could get
I thought of them together, I thought of us as three
and then I dreamed of kissing on our anniversary.
My mind it sometimes wanders, my heart it often falls
and still, at night, I sleep alone; in silence, with no calls.
This poem was cathartic, I hope it made some sense
I fear that my relationships are all in the past tense....

RC 6-10-25

Exciting news

We're getting guinea pigs!!!

RC 5-10-25