A warm glow

Our plans are falling into place for Christmas. Yes, I know - I'm mentioning it today, less than a week after saying that I didn't want to talk about it in November, but we looked at it over the weekend and got some things finalised, and that's exciting, so it's nice to type about. We're going to be at home on The Big Day itself, with Sophie joining us, along with a few of Philippa's many relatives. Then on Boxing Day we are off to Ted and Beryl's for one of their Annual Over-The-Top Festive Extravaganzas, because Beryl is yet again - for possibly the 14th year in a row - worried that this is the last year she will be physically and mentally able to be hostess and she is determined to prove she has one more in her. 27th we will have at home, allowing the boys to relax and for Mathew to throw himself into his new toys (of which I imagine there will be many). Then I will be working for a couple of days, which shouldn't be too taxing, and then we're off to my old boss Tom's house, for a Philippa-family-based gathering that will probably have at least twice as many attendees as Ted and Beryl's Boxing Day Bonanza. They have LOTS of children, who have lots of children, so it'll be a big one. Then I have - perhaps foolishly - put myself down to be working on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, and then I'll have a few more days at home before the schools reopen.

It's nice to be spontaneous with things, but it's also nice to know what your schedule is, especially when there are young children involved, so it feels REALLY good to have got all this stuff lined up.

And now, despite myself, I am starting to enjoy the build-up and the festive thoughts and the cosy Christmas adverts. So roll on Sunday, when the advent calendars are unboxed and the decorations are pulled out of storage. Because YES my friends, the first weekend in December is when I normally like to put the tree up, and Sunday is the 1st of the month, so we're doing it! Technically, I know, it's not the first complete weekend in December, but what the Hell?

RC 27-11-24

addendum to the addendum

It's not taking up ALL my mental space at the moment, I assure you, but just a little follow-up to Saturday's blog posting, which was a follow-up to the one from the day before...
All that stuff I wrote about is why I am really terrified about my sons seeing social media in the future, unless things change dramatically.
I have done far too much research into how these things are run, and it's more alarming than anything else going on in this crazy world at the moment. The manipulation of emotions, prompting of behaviours and general methods of controlling what you see really isn't that far away from brainwashing. Everyone thinks they are in charge of their own feeds and they're not. The more you try and make it an individual experience for yourself the worse it gets, because you are interacting with the algorithm that controls it and giving it more ammunition to attack you with.
And we can't underestimate the effect of children being exposed to too much 'real world' stuff at an earlier age than any generation before them. Yes, they have to learn that terrible things happen and death and pain are everywhere, but it's nice to let youngsters avoid that for as long as possible, preferably until it presents itself in their own lives. These days, they're encountering these horrors - sometimes actually seeing actual footage of it - as soon as they're old enough to pick up a device. They are seeing things that NO-ONE, in my opinion, should ever see, much less people of school age. They're having to deal with exposure to things that must be having a deep psychological effect, without getting any support, and sometimes without anyone even knowing what they've been affected by. They're having to 'grow up' at a ridiculously young age, before entering an adult world where more and more people these days are acting like juveniles. And that must be confusing, and will probably only get worse.
So yes - I would love to ban both my children from social media, but I know it is no longer possible. And yes, I would love to see a sensible form of control instilled, with some kind of body overseeing all this stuff and keeping it at a level that is, at the very least, safe for our children. But I fear it is a hopeless dream on my part. 
Anyway, this was supposed to be 'just a little follow-up' so I'll stop now.

RC 25-11-24

addendum

I'm not dwelling on it too much - but just a little afterthought to attach to yesterday's blog offering:

I think a lot of what I wrote about, and a lot of the things I struggle with, has been made worse by the way we live our lives these days. I don't want to rant on about social media again, as I've done that to death in the time since I launched this virtual ship on the blogsphere, but I do think that it has exacerbated the worst elements of human life and led us all down a dangerous, ugly path. 

In times past, when you were feeling overwhelmed or scared, you could reach out to your local community for support and guidance. There would often be someone who could lend you a hand with a problem, or who would know what was needed to get you through your current state of confusion. 

Now, most of our 'contact' with other humans is done online, where their only helpful response will be some kind of emoji. And while you're reaching out to them online, you're also seeing the multitude of posts from people who are claiming that their lives are incredible, and seeing them supposedly coping with the very things that are making you feel inadequate; and that cannot be helpful; that will make you feel worse, even though  we all accept that most people's online persona is manufactured, filtered and exaggerated towards the positive. We all feel lost and adrift, and when we need an arm around us and a local support network, we get a quick picture of someone hugging a heart, or someone posting how their situation is worse, as you've given them an opportunity to make it about themselves again. It's making us feel alone, and unprotected, but we're all guilty of contributing.

Anyway, I'll stop talking about it now or it will make me feel morose again.

RC 23-11-24

Lasting a day can be an achievement

I am ridiculously enthusiastic, energetic and optimistic today. I say 'ridiculously' not to make you think this is a disappointing state to be in, but to highlight how unusual it is for me to feel this way in recent times. Or for most of my adult life, to be honest!

I am realising more and more, as my time on this planet races onward and my age starts to resemble a speed limit rather than a radiator setting, that I am quite an unusual chap and that I think very differently to most people. I think, dare I say it, that I probably find day-to-day life more difficult than a lot of you lovely folk out there. That may be down to my upbringing, or it may be some kind of neurodiversity, or it may just be that I lack the necessary skills to find this stuff easy, and I lack the ability to learn those skills as I go. I really don't know, and I'm not sure my life would be improved by knowing why this is; but I think it's important to acknowledge that it is true, and to be kind to myself about that reality and to not make myself feel shitty just because I think I 'should' be able to cope with life. There are so many hard circumstances and tricky situations that we all have to get through in our everyday existence, and I have no doubt that overwhelm and fear get their claws into everyone at some time or other, but I also have no doubt that there are those of us that struggle with those things a bit more, and more often, than others. What may be a mere inconvenience for you might be a major mishap for me. What I can breeze through with barely a thought might trouble you for more than a fortnight. We all have our ways, and our ways of coping, and life is a different dilemma for us all.

I guess what I'm saying is - every single one of us is simultaneously able and unable; confident and terrified; experienced and naive; hopeful and desperate. We all suffer the downs as much as we enjoy the ups, we all get confused as much as we feel sure, and we all want to hide undercover as much as we want to face the world head on. And that's ok. That's human.

RC 22-11-24

Happiness is an illusion.

Funny how the wrong song at the wrong time can lower your mood and take you to a place of uncertainty. I mention this as a follow-up to my comments yesterday about our festive playlist at work and the tunes that I will not allow to be on it. I was thinking about it on the drive in this morning and my hatred of 'Last Christmas' by Wham is probably down to a particularly unpleasant memory, rather than anything about the composition itself. I don't want to go into details, and I don't feel the need to relive it, but it's quite amazing how emotional scars of the past can tingle and throb in response to a little prompting, and how you can be taken right back to the way you felt when the incident itself occurred. The pain is almost comparable, even though it is years later and that person is out of your life now.
Although, to be fair, 'Last Christmas' is also a shit-awful song.

I suppose, conversely, that the same is true of the nice memories and the uplifting music. An unexpected airing of something that you loved in the past can transport you back to a special occasion and emote those same feelings again. That's why couples talk about having 'our song' and they do that pathetic, soppy look at each other when the tune from their wedding suddenly plays on the radio.

In other news, I am very excited about getting to watch some animated Christmas stuff with Mathew this year...

RC 21-11-24

Jingly

I may end up hating myself for this, but I have wilted early this year and allowed Christmas songs to be played at work already.
I imagine I'll be sick to death of them by the time we start opening advent calendars, but it's nice to see people smiling in the offices (well, the ones who haven't put earplugs in) and I can even confess to feeling a little extra glow of warmth in my soul as the cheery tunes waft around in the background. We're still not putting trees up or decorating the function rooms until December 1st - I am sticking to my guns on that front - and I've also insisted that Mariah Carey and Wham are not included on the playlist. Those two songs are the ones that really grate my gizzard and I simply cannot envisage a time when I will ever be happy to hear them again. Even once...

RC 20-11-24

Rory's Realisation - 19th Nov. edition

There are going to be some people you meet in life with whom you will never be able to get anything right. They might be employees, romantic partners, neighbours or relatives; they might even be strangers you have a chance encounter with in a shop, but whatever your level of engagement, you are going to get in wrong, in their eyes. No matter what you say, how you act, or how much you try to satisfy them, they are going to react badly, and hurt your feelings. Say something nice and they'll call you patronising.  Buy them a gift and it will be the wrong colour. Tell them the truth and they will tell you it's not what they wanted to hear. You cannot please all the people all of the time, and every so often there will be people you can't even please once, and it doesn't make you a failure or unpleasant. It's just the way life is.
So don't adjust who you are to fit in with every little criticism you receive. If you've really made a mistake, then try not to repeat it, but if someone is just having a go at you because of their own issues, rather than your behaviour, then that is their concern, not yours.

Yeah - you guessed - it's been a difficult day at work.

RC 19-11-24

Yum! (and a proud, contented sigh)

Oh man, did I absolutely bang one out of the park with my cooking last night... It's so nice to have two days off in a row together again, it makes me far more inclined to do worthwhile things on the second day. So yesterday I spent most of the afternoon prepping and in the evening I did a 2024-vintage Signature Rory Roast. And oh man, was it good. Even allowing for my usual self-deprecation and hypercritical self-analysis, and especially allowing for my lack of recent practice, I would call this meal a winner. I would award myself a B+ at worst. I am not, by any stretch of the old imagination, a good cook, but there are things I can do well, and every so often I get something really right and serve something up that I can be proud of. Last night was one such occasion.
I'm not even sure what I did to make it so special. I didn't try anything new or add any extra ingredients, I just put together some of my favourite ways of making things for a roast and it just WORKED. Maybe it was the fact that I took my time, or that I wasn't rushing to get the thing done after a long day at work. Maybe I just concentrated and made sure I did everything properly. Maybe it was cooked with an extra special dollop of love. I don't know, but I hope it wasn't a one-off and is a sign of things to come. I lost a bit of confidence in the kitchen earlier this year, so it's nice to feel like I can produce something worth eating again!
And obviously, being me, I've got carried away now and have planned what the next 57 meals are that I'm going to cook for the family. This week's shopping list might be long, and pricey.

RC 17-11-24

A fun family Saturday

I met someone last night who may well have had my dream job - he was a pyrotechnical engineer for nearly 15 years. And for those of you who cannot guess what that technical title means - he was basically a dude who set off fireworks. Big ones. Big displays for big events in big towns and sometimes for celebrity parties. For the majority of his working life from ages 20 to 35 he would travel around, setting up and installing huge, expensive displays and then be the person in charge of setting them all off. Can you imagine? You can take your airline pilot, spaceman, explorer and professional sportsman and any other extravagant work scenarios you may have dreamt of in your youth and keep them, because as far as I'm concerned this man had it nailed. He is only stopping now because he's about to become a dad again, and is determined not to miss out on his young son's life by being away five days a week, forty-odd weeks a year. I can understand that sentiment, but wouldn't it be cool for that kid to reach age 5 or 6 and realise that HIS DAD is the one lighting the sky up for everyone else to enjoy? Wouldn't that give him (or her) the best standing in any classroom anywhere in the world?
But no, instead of that, his dad is now about to become a delivery driver for one of the many companies that clog up our roads and pavements so that Mr and Mrs Lazybones of Britain can shop online instead of venturing outside to visit a shop.
Sorry - I drifted off-topic there and got a bit ranty about something unrelated that has obviously been boiling my blood more than I realised. What I actually wanted to write about was the lovely day we had planned today, but I haven't got time for that now, so I'll have to tell you all about it tomorrow.

RC 16-11-24

SAD go f**k yourself

I have to say that I am looking forward to Christmas already this year, and I'm not sure I've felt that way this early in the year for a long time. This is weird for me, but I'm even enjoying the fact that I'm driving home from work in the dark now, as it's telling me that SantaTime is getting closer by the day. Have I been through some strange middle-aged personality switch? Am I now in a real-life version of the classic B-movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers", where an extra-terrestrial imitation of me has hatched from a pod and replaced me in the world, unnoticed? Probably neither of those things, but it's fun to speculate.
Anyway, my point is that I am halfway through November now without feeling morose or lethargic, and I am confident I can ride this wave of pre-festive optimism right thought the Yuletide season and into the New Year. And then I'll have my birthday to look forward to!

RC 15-11-24

So lazy (but not so...)

Well, I'm back.
Back, in the sense of being back home in Suffolk; and Back, as in the sense of returning to this blogsite. No explanations or excuses for absence, let's just reconnect and start afresh from now...

Our holiday was bloody fantastic. It can be a real trial to take young children away for a lengthy trip, but our week together couldn't have gone better. Rian is old enough to travel comfortably, and Mathew is old enough to understand what is happening and to even get excited about the fact that we are away. We had a whale of a time. I know people can spend countless thousands on foreign voyages to show their offspring the world, but we went off to a picturesque part of our home country and it was perfect for us. Mathew has already asked to go back. It's a possibility, but we're also considering the idea of staying even closer to home for our next booking, as there are some beautiful areas to visit not far from us, and when you're away, you're away, as far as I'm concerned. There doesn't have to be a ten-hour flight and a massive change in temperature before you start to see and feel the benefits of a break.
Philippa and I got on tremendously well, too, which was lovely after a difficult up-and-down few months. I never doubted our relationship, but the longer these things go on the more you worry they might be ending, and I did have wobbly moments over the Summer where I wondered if we could find a way to reconnect. But we did, and it's been wonderful since.
And I've even enjoyed being back at work! Having a nice spell offsite after the madness of the school holidays and then the havoc of Hallowe'en was just what I needed. Now there's less day-to-day firefighting and more of our usual Winter maintenance plan, so it's a lot less stressful and a lot more relaxed. And I have my weekends back now! I won't be working Saturdays until the start of Easter, and it's so lovely to know that we can plan more family things for the days when Philippa is off-work and Mathew is off-school. It's hard when I only have Sundays free in the Summer, and I'm normally exhausted on those Sundays, so we're determined to make the most of it while we have it over the next few months.

RC 14-11-24

If I was God...

This is a weird thing to suddenly post about after a bit of time away from blogging, but wouldn't it be a great design improvement if humans evolved to produce hot tea from our nipples?

RC 5-11-24