Vicarious sport support

I have shown my love for Ted over the weekend by watching the World Snooker Championships on TV on his behalf. It's mind-numbingly boring, but seems to have worked, as his health has improved somewhat and he should be home by Friday!

In other news - I have written a great opening couple of lines for a story, or a poem, but then haven't taken it any further:

There is a healing power to rain.
It lifts the spirit and gifts us with freshness.

If you have any ideas about what I should do with it, do please chuck them my way.

See you in May!

RC 30-4-24

Infection of dismay

Ted is poorly in hospital. This has made me feel rather awful. I know he's very old and very frail and hasn't always looked after himself properly, but it's still not nice news to get. It doesn't seem to be too bad, according to his son Alan, but obviously these things can go sideways unexpectedly when you're talking about the elderly, so I think I'll be feeling edgy until we know he's being sent home again. I haven't had a chance to speak to Beryl, but we've swapped a few messages and she seems to be ok. Philippa has suggested I go and visit over the weekend, but I think they're trying to limit it to immediate family, just to stop the ward getting a bit overcrowded, and as they have quite a number of children, grandchildren, and assorted others, I imagine I'll be quite a way down the list. But we'll see... Beryl knows where I am if she needs anything, and she knows how I feel about them both too, so I hope that's a support and a comfort.
Life isn't easy when people you care about are suffering and there's nothing you can do about it except trust the medics and hope for the best, is it?

RC 26-4-24

The fly in the ointment

Philippa is starting to get a few appointments for her Sports Massage Therapy things. (apologies for not knowing exactly what her qualification is - these things are rather complicated.) They're all people that she knows, but they're still paying for the service, so it's a good start. I think she'll be more comfortable when she's treating strangers, as they are seeing you as a professional from the moment they contact you, rather than watching you trying to change career in your 30s, but so far the odd little appointment seems to be boosting her confidence and helping her learn her way. Her main goal at the moment seems to be to create the perfect massage oil, as she's not happy with the ones she's been supplied with. I think she has a little dream (or 'long-term plan' maybe?) where she releases her own line of products and makes us a nice family fortune. She is currently mixing different oils together and trying them out, which is nice for me as I get to be the guinea pig that she tries these things out on. I am spending rather a lot of time in the evenings being covered in oil and rubbed by my wife, so I guess I'm living the dreams of several men at once. And if she DOES hit on some kind of magic elixir that is perfect and sells like hot cakes, then I can retire early and live on her profit, so that's a good thing too, I guess...

RC 25-4-24

Ramblings of a madman named Rory

This one will make me sound like a real middle-aged Luddite sulk.
However...
Life should get easier as technology advances, and for a while that was true, but now it seems like everything is harder.  You can't talk to companies when you have problems, and if you're not connected to the internet you're basically buggered.
I'm trying to sort out an issue with data not working correctly on my work phone, and because my mobile service provider of choice has decided to save a few pennies by binning their call centres, the only way to get any support is through their website. Which I can't access because my data isn't working...
I tell you - the sooner we get taken out by an EMP or a Chinese cyberhack, the happier I'll be.

RC 24-4-24

H St. G's D

I'll just mention it once and then try not to reflect further - April is disappearing too quickly.

Gavin has decided I need to spend a couple of days this week at a different site. (Not one of the Dorset/Devon ones, thankfully).  It means I'm taken away from the tsunami of weirdness that has been landing on my desk in my usual office, which is a double-edged cutting implement of some kind, because all those tasks will still be waiting for me when I get back, but at least I get a break and a change of scenery.
He has a very strange style of management, my boss. You don't even know he exists for several weeks at a time and then all of sudden the next thing that needs doing is the most important thing on Earth and you have to drop all other commitments and concentrate on his latest whim or whimsy. It can be terribly annoying and inconvenient, but I think it's also why I like working for him. He's different. He is very much his own man, with his own way of thinking and his own way of working. And - apart from these odd days where he gets a bee in his bonnet and obsessively charges at something like an incensed, rabid bull - he tends to leave us alone to get on with things how we see fit, and that is pretty much perfect for me. I have done my years of dealing with interferences from on high and with self-serving, overpaid, vacuous middle management, thank you, and I'm more than happy where I am.

RC 23-4-24

Adapting

My life has changed somewhat over the past few weeks and I need to get used to it all before I fall into bad habits. I'd forgotten how much my work day gets altered between pre- and post-Easter and I'm in danger of it running away with me and dragging me into a permanent undercurrent of overwhelmingness. Everything is busier, my to-do list is longer than in Winter and it's pretty much full-on from the second I arrive onsite 'til the second my bum is back in my car seat. Problems arise, people complain and management demand immediacy. And poor little Rory - that 13-year-old pubescent bundle of awkwardness with impostor syndrome who still lives deep within me - starts to feel unable.
And that's where the bad habits can come in.
Instead of taking my time, and taking a breath, and moving forward with a plan, I can panic and fatalise and wrongly decide that rushing into action is better than due consideration. I can ignore my usual calm thought processes and force myself to do something that briefly makes me feel productive but ultimately makes my life harder. I can get things wrong, even when I know the right course to take. I can allow my intuitions to be hampered by my impatience. I can trip myself up and get in my own way and create problems for myself with my hurry.
So I'm going to try very hard not to do all that today. And writing this out this morning is a good first step on the ladder, I hope.

RC 22-4-24

Apologist

Well, my little run of Everyday Postings is well and truly over isn't it!??! Having gone 51 consecutive days with an entry on this blogsite, I have now ignored you since Tuesday!
It's amazing how quickly I fell out of that daily habit. It really is. It certainly wasn't my intention to turn my back on you for nearly a week; yet once 48 hours or so had passed since my last posting it was as if I had forgotten you existed!
And now I am trying to compose something for you, on a busy April Saturday at work, knowing full well that I will keep getting interrupted mid-sentence and that it will take me about 14 hours to get a paragraph finished.
Oh, well, it's better than nothing I suppose...

RC 20-4-24

Into the second half of April...

I feel rather unfit at the moment. It may just be the tiredness affecting me after a few nights of interrupted sleep, but I feel sluggish and slow and not really on my Spring game. It's like having a slight hangover the day after a lot of physical exertion - things ache and my brain feels fuzzy and undernourished. It's as if I am recovering from a stomach bug, flu and jetlag at the same time. I need vitamins and rest and then I need to start getting my fitness levels up again. The Patented Rory Velociped would normally be getting regular outings by now but having a one-year-old son and another one at school doesn't really help with a routine of exercise, so that particular piece of equipment is lodged firmly in the garden shed somewhere...
Swimming may be the answer. I always feel better after a plunge and I work near the sea and I have access to a nice pool onsite so there's really no excuse to not be taking advantage. It's a good all-body exercise that doesn't put too much strain on muscles while working them all effectively, it's a simple way to get the endorphins released and coursing through the system, and I've always found that it doesn't take long to start feeling the benefits. So maybe I should start coming into work an hour or so early and doing a few lengths before the punters turn up...

RC 16-4-24

Back to School?

I guess the good thing about being an insomniac at this time of year is the fact that I get to see some outrageously beautiful sunsets. And when I'm laying awake at 3am it does help to know that there's only a couple of hours of darkness left and not too long until we start to hear the birds singing. Winter Wake-Ups are horrible because you know you're not going to see any daylight until about 8am, and even then it might be a cloudy, dull, grey British day where the Sun never peeks through the clouds, so you think "I'm going from a full night of sleeplessness into a day bereft of brightness, and will probably suffer the same again tonight."
That's the hardest part really - the psychological crap that goes along with the lack of rest.

Anyway, enough about all that. The sites will be a lot quieter this week after the fun and games of the Easter Holidays, so I'm looking forward to getting on with some regular work instead of having my hours filled with firefighting and problem solving and smiling inanely at tourists.

RC 15-4-24

Insomnia poem, no. 452

Lying awake.
Only hours away from daylight.
Yet everything feels so distant.
The drip of the tap.
Taps into my subconscious.
My mind addicted to its metronomic rhythm.

I look out of the window.
And see nothing.
Wrong time of day for natural surroundings.
I look within myself.
And see nothing.
My soul as empty as a pirate's conscience.

I write these verses.
Hours apart yet undivided.
Waiting for the dreams that never come.
Trying to avoid the thoughts that will not cease.
Stuck in the pattern that repeats,
and repeats, and repeats...

RC 13-4-24

L of an achievement

Well, I did it!
50 consecutive days with a blog posted and written.
Crazy.
Am I planning to keep it going and see just how much of a run I can put together? It's tempting, but it's also tempting to have a break for a couple of weeks. But then - I had quite a break in early February, didn't I, so I've done that already. But I think I may have made up for it now, with my efforts over the past 7 weeks or so.
50 consecutive days.
Crazy.

RC 10-4-24

Getting faster...

Where the Hell is April disappearing to? It only feels like yesterday that I was amazed that we were halfway through March, and now the first ten days of April have pissed away as well. How does this happen? I'm convinced the world speeds up somehow when we get into Spring. My friends in the scientific world may say I am being silly there, but can anyone deny that January seemed to last three times longer than March, despite having the same number of days? I know it's probably psychological, but I still feel obliged to mention it every year...

It's lovely to notice the trees and hedges starting to blossom and bloom and thicken. Green and yellow are becoming the prominent colours again and Nature is bursting into life like a balloon bursting at a party. We have a very talented gardener at work and he (and his team) have done a wonderful job of creating an array of flowers that come out at different times, so we have a gorgeous display going on from March right through into the Summer, especially near the main entrance. I'm not brilliant with plant identification, but I think we have some irises, orchids and crocuses in our beds. A few daffodils are hanging around and the bluebells are showing early. And then there are some web-footed chillblains, some purple-ended ghostfers and some Underrated Effervescent Bilgeroses. (I may have guessed a few names there, but I think I've got them right...

RC 9-4-24

Getting tired

Don't take this personally, but I'm finding this a trial this morning. The weekend was horrendously busy and involved at work, and I'm back in my office already, ready to face another day of it, and then I feel obliged to postpone my tasks for the day because I want to keep this run of blogs going for another consecutive day. I am looking forward to returning to the time where I just pick up the laptop when I feel like it, or when I actually have something worthwhile to tell you. And there's only a couple of days to go. I believe I am right in saying that today is Day 49, so as long as I manage to post this, and then another one tomorrow, I will have hit 50 days in a row with a posting, and then I can relax with it a bit.

With it being the second week of the holidays, we have a whole new bunch of families onsite, and they are all as enthusiastic and energetic as last week's collection. The good thing with that, of course, is that we can just repeat all last week's activities, but the bad thing is that we're going through the same problems again, because we haven't had time to get everything sorted in between. I'm confident we'll be fine. So many people were leaving lovely reviews and saying lovely things when they left over the weekend, so we've obviously hit the ground running and given them some fun memories. But it's still a bit of a worry when you're one of the managers and you're responsible for the enjoyment levels and your boss can be a bit erratic. Especially when you're distracting yourself by writing a bog when you should be getting on with planning a staff meeting...

RC 8-4-24

Prayer/Poem/Invocation/Something

May light shine upon you on your darkest days of need.
May the warmest sun of springtime cause a change in every seed.
May the close embrace of happiness be yours for evermore.
May the cleansing tide of hopefulness be ever at your shore.
May the shining star of gratitude sit over you each night.
May the glowing arc of reason be a welcome morning sight.
May the journey of experience arise from each regret.
May the love of now cast out the woe of what you can't forget.
May the promise of tomorrow be the overriding thought.
May the care of those around you be the only thing you've sought.
May the blessing of remembrance aid your step in every climb.
May the angels come to greet you when you know it is your time.

RC 7-4-24

Kicking myself up the thingy...

Well.... it really is high time that I write a proper, involved, long-form blog posting, rather than the weird, bitty scatterings of silliness that I've been throwing at you in the past few days. I've been so determined to keep my run of consecutive days going, but not really taking the time out to make what I'm writing worthwhile, so I've been chucking any old shit online that happened to be in my head at the time. Not like me at all, really. I would much rather avoid this blogsite altogether than fill it with waffling nonsense that is just put there for the sake of it. To be fair to myself, I have been incredibly busy at work, but even so...
So, for probably the 157th time in the history of these chronicles, I am telling myself to try harder from here on in.

Work has been flat-out and full-on and a bit head-scrambling. We prepare as best as we can but it's always a shock when there's suddenly a site full of people and we're back in that 'full capacity' mode. I guess it's a bit like training for a marathon or something similar - you do everything you can, you train, you feed, you stretch, you envisage everything that might happen to you while you're running 26 miles, but then you get to the day itself and you have to deal with the pain and the effort. No amount of forward planning can let you know just how much your legs will ache and your heart will pound and your head will try to tell you to stop. This is kind of the same. The reality of the situation is not something you can know until you're in it.

In other news, I have started going for kombucha in a big way. I know it's a trendy thing to do, and I normally run away from things that are only popular because they're trendy, but it's just so damned tasty, and my gut biome is thanking me already.  And the trendiness aspect seems to have started fading now, so less people are drinking it, which probably means there'll be less choice around soon, but might also bring the price down a little.
It would be so good to jump on one of these 'new-fangled' drinks before they hit the market, would it not? What an investment that would be. Imagine being a shareholder in the early days of Red Bull! How much would that investment be worth now?
(Well, I've just paused typing to have a look - and in the last 13 weeks of 2023 alone, just in the USA, their revenues totalled 1.71 billion dollars. So, yeah, it would have been a good investment...)
I'll stop now before I disappear down one of my research rabbit holes. There's a lot of work to be done today, after all...

RC 6-4-24

Facebleurghk

My argument against people who post these little 'inspirational' lines from literature on social media is that you're seeing them out of context. People like Bertrand Russell wrote great essays on things, and reached many intellectual and philosophical conclusions, but you need to read the full thing to get the full effect. You can't just cut and paste the catchy phrases that make people feel better and use them as a facebook post. Those seeing them are never going to get the point.
God, I hate the modern world.

RC 5-4-24

Haphazard

Just some random lines that might be used in other poems, or may strangely and coincidentally (hopefully) work as a poem when written out here. Let's see:

Somewhere in the lost world of love, you can find a path to enlightenment.
Even the darkest woodland contains shoots of greenery.
An abandoned beach, sometimes, houses pearls.
In the storm of my soul, your love is like a lighthouse.
Together we can try to trust; apart we can only avoid.
When the flowers are less of a burden; the soil is more of a chore.
Desert springs can only well up from a source of inspiration.
Do not fear to be alone; for it is in solitude the soul finds solace.

RC 4-4-24

Honest Love Poem

You got my leftovers.
The few remaining strands of love I was able to hold in my heart.
You landed in the ruins of my life,
and put sunlight on the broken walls.
But my defences were too well guarded.
Too many battle scars to allow a graceful acceptance.
I pushed and resisted,
when I should have welcomed and embraced.
I criticised and ostracised,
when I should have acquiesced and relinquished.
I doubted and I catastrophised,
when I should have enjoyed and united.
I couldn't love you.
But I loved you.
And now you are another departed partner.
Another shadow on my future self.
Another reason to stop trying.
Another excuse to be alone.
Gone, and unforgotten.
An addition to the list of wrongdoings.
A painful reminder of my failings.
A final straw of heartbreak.
A poem.

RC 3-4-24

Who's counting?

After yesterday's 'first of the month' blog was a nice round number, I'm thinking maybe I do exactly 200 words every day in April? Nice little target to aim for. Mind you, after the stress and strains of what I went through in March, I don't think I need another challenge so soon after that one, thanks. So maybe I just enjoy myself more this month and just post when I feel I have something worth saying. (And I know what you're thinking - 'does Rory ever have something worth saying?')
I would, however, like to reach the milestone of 50 consecutive days with a post, and today is number 43, so hopefully I can keep this 'one a day' shizzle up for another week at least.

RC 2-4-24

Exactly 200 words today

Well, I may as try and keep this 'posting every day' thing going!
God, it got a bit nervewracking towards the end. I found myself wanting to post earlier and earlier in the day so I could get it done and not risk forgetting to do it later. Imagine if I'd got to the 28th or something and then completely forgotten to post something? The heartbreak would be unimaginable.
Anyway... it's done now. So let's not keep talking about it or I shall come across as boastful and self-aggrandising.

It was a nice distraction from the work worries, I have to say. Having an online obsession to concentrate on stopped me from feeling overwhelmed by the madness of a Bank Holiday weekend. And in the end, as it always does, the reality of what I had to deal with turned out to be far less taxing than the anticipation of what I thought I could expect. We are full and we are flat-out, but we are comfortable and we are coping.  The sun came out over the weekend and there were happy smiles and bouncy families aplenty.
Only 6 months to go and I can start having Saturdays off again...

RC 1-4-24