ONE MORE IN OCTOBER

I went for a walk last night, around the local footpaths, as my brain was still fizzing with activity after a big weekend of Hallowe'en stuff at work. It was ridiculously mild. It would be quite easy to forget that I was in the UK, or that it was the penultimate day of October.
As we teeter on the brink of climate collapse, the seasons have all been shifted and what used to be early Winter is now late Summer. I feel I should castigate us as a species for the alarming speed with which this has happened, but instead I find myself enjoying the effects and milking every mild moment as if I'm on holiday.

Part of me wishes I was on holiday, by the way. The downside of being able to put on a fun, spooky event for families onsite is that everything else takes a back seat and gets delayed, and now I'm having to play Catch-Up despite being exhausted and in the mood for a lay down. It wouldn't normally bother me to look at the calendar and realise it's only 8 weeks til Christmas, but being over tired and with Imminent Offspring Arrival hovering imminently, I'm finding it all stressful and difficult to get motivated for. 

Philippa is playing a very cruel game with me, although I don't think she's doing it deliberately. Obviously I'm on standby to drop everything and rush home if the old waters break, so every time my phone makes a noise my heart leaps into my throat and my hand reaches for the car keys. To lessen the frequency of these mini-breakdowns, I've set my mobile so it makes a different sound if a message comes in from Philippa. (Then I can receive other calls without losing control of my sphincters for a few seconds). But since I've done that, my wife has taken it upon herself to message me 10 or 12 times a day, 'just to keep in touch'. And every time that sound strikes up, I'm convinced it's about The Big One. So I'm not sure what will happen first - Philippa's second labour, or Rory's first cardiac arrest. 

Happy Hallowe'en, by the way.

RC 31-10-22

Satisfying... so much so...

Just to say - my last blog was exactly 250 words long. And it happened by accident. For those of you who only found this blog recently, and haven't read back through the ridiculously numerous back catalogue, that will mean nothing. But those of you who have followed my journey and learned a bit about the weird way my weird mind works weirdly, you will understand the significance and, I hope, be happy for me.

RC 28-10-22

Sometimes insomnia is favourable to dreaming

I had a dream last night that left me wishing I could keep myself awake more often. My insomnia has been really well controlled in recent months, but I'm starting to wish that wasn't the case.
In the dream - and I'd like to highlight the fact that at no point in the dream was I aware that I was in a dream; it all felt incredibly real - Philippa went into labour. For some reason, I wasn't allowed in the delivery room with her, and while the birth was happening, I had to go and help clear up a spillage of engine oil in the staff car park, which was underground beneath the hospital. When I was allowed back up to the maternity wing, I had to climb 700 steps that curved around the outside of the building, before breaking in through a triple-glazed window (apparently, this was a Covid-secure measure brought in that morning). Philippa was asleep, and a weird side effect of giving birth was that her body hair had grown ridiculously long, and she lay there like some kind of sexy sasquatch.
When I asked where my new child was, the nurse introduced me to a six-foot tall man standing in the corner, who introduced himself as TROY DUNCAN CHESWORTH and gave me a hug, saying "Hi, dad!".
If none of that sounds too bad, please bear in mind that when I caught a sight of myself in the mirror, I looked exactly like Rishi Sunak.

RC 26-10-22

I'd be embarrassed if I cared

We have a lovely family from Canada staying this week. They're over in the UK for a month, visiting different cousins and aunts in different counties, and their little tour has brought them to Suffolk for a few days. The dad, who is called Simon, is very chatty, and also genuinely interested in how we run things onsite, as he works in the leisure industry back home.
This morning, we were enjoying a coffee together as I showed him around our main entertainment bar, explaining how things changed during Omicron and how we dealt with any mini outbreaks among the staff during the Summer. The TVs in the bar were tuned to BBC News, which was depressing the nation with discussions about the latest Tory Party leadership contest. Simon watched it for a few minutes and then said, "No offence, but what exactly the Hell is going on with your political system these days?"

I felt my shoulders sag as I explained that I really try very hard not to engage with it at all. I just let it all go on in the background of my life, and try not to get too worried or elated either way. He said he felt the same about his own government, but pointed out that most of the world's population currently seem to be looking at Britain and thinking 'Well, at least we're not in THAT much of a mess!' which is a bit demoralising. The thought that we might be some kind of enjoyable soap opera for the rest of humanity as they watch us being driven off a financial cliff doesn't fill you with pride does it?
And the thought that Boris Johnson might actually be about to be re-elected to lead the party that conspired to throw him out less than three months ago is one that fills me with despair. I may be about to give up on democracy forever.

RC 24-10-22

Oct even lazier than Sept

How have I not had time to write a blog or two throughout this week?
The truth is that I HAVE had time, I just haven't had the inclination or the inspiration. I think I have fallen into the trap that I warned you I might fall into, regarding my ambition to post a different number of blog postings each calendar month in 2022. If I throw 5 more 

missives at you before Hallowe'en, I will have reached 13 postings this month, meaning I will then have covered all numbers 13-22 inclusive, and my challenge will continue on into the 11th month of the year.

Anyway, enough of that old waffle, let's catch up:

 

Philippa is feeling really uncomfortable. However she sits, lays or stands, and whatever she tries to do, or whatever movement she makes, she ends up breathless and confused and aching. It's like having Covid, while carrying an extra 7 stone or so in weight. Mathew is worried that his mum is going to explode one day soon, so we've tried to explain the concept of pregnancy and childbirth to him as simply as possible, without freaking him out or giving him nightmares or permanent psychological trauma. 

 

Work is very busy again, as different parts of the country kindly have their half-term holidays in different weeks, so we're having a fortnight at nearly full capacity. This is the big week coming up, though, as most local schools are off, and we've also opened up the sites a bit to local people for day visits, so they can come in and enjoy our Hallowe'en trail and activities, and (hopefully) have a good look around and persuade their parents to bring them here for a week next year, or (better still) to make a permanent purchase and actually own one of our caravans. 

I should be quite nervous about all this. A lot of it was my idea, and I had to push Gavin really hard last year to get it to happen, and if we don't end up seeing a benefit from doing it, it'll reflect badly on me. But, strangely enough, I'm not nervous. I'm barely bothered. For two reasons - imminent childbirth distracts you a bit from other, ultimately pointless worries; and Gavin is so engrossed in his South-West Coast Project that he's hardly paying attention to Suffolk at all.
I'll give you more on that later, but now I have to go and supervise a mask-making workshop in our play area.

RC 23-10-22

I WANT A BONFIRE BABY

I am begging Philippa to hold on tight until November 5th so our next child can be born on Bonfire Night! Wouldn't that be amazing? I may have to miss out on fireworks displays, but I think this would almost be worth it. It's always been one of my favourite days of the year, and what better way to celebrate than by creating new life? If we time it right, we can go into labour on the evening of the 4th, then little Guy could be born just after midnight on the 5th, and we could still make it out to a party somewhere that night!

(I'm kidding about the party, but not about using the name GUY. Doesn't 'Guy Chesworth' sound like a really cool dude???)

RC 16-10-22

Lazy little blogette

I think my 2022 challenge, which I had managed to maintain through to the end of September, may be torn apart by my imminent case of fatherhood. It's hard to concentrate on achieving something that is ultimately pointless, when there is a huge life-enhancing event due to happen sometime in the coming fortnight or so.

RC 14-10-22

Filmic Listies

You can tell things have started slowing down at work, because now I have the time to do things like this:

FILMS I HAVE NOT SEEN FOR AGES AND WISH TO SEE AGAIN SOON:

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Midnight Run

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Life of Brian

The Hunt for Red October

 

THE BEST PICTURE OSCAR WINNERS OF THE 1990s RANKED IN ORDER OF PERSONAL PREFERENCE:

Dances With Wolves

The Silence of The Lambs

Unforgiven

Schindler's List

American Beauty

Braveheart

Titanic

Forrest Gump

Shakespeare in Love

The English Patient

 

THE ONLY PEOPLE I WOULD CONSIDER ACCEPTABLE CHOICES TO BE THE NEXT JAMES BOND

Riz Ahmed

Nicholas Hoult

RC 11-10-22

Relative

Time seems to pass by very slowly when you're waiting for a specific major thing to happen.
Or maybe it's the fact that Philippa is too big, and feels too uncomfortable, for us to be able to do much in the way of activities or trips out, so our lives have become a repetitive slog through the same routine in the same house over and over.
On the plus side, I ate an extraordinary amount of food yesterday. I did a rare Sunday morning fry-up, consisting of scrambled eggs, smoked back bacon, grilled field mushrooms, my signature baked beans (with added black pepper and BBQ sauce), Lincolnshire sausages, grilled tomatoes and toasted granary bread. Then I put a joint of topside (from the local butchers, NOT a cut from a supermarket) in the slow cooker and we each had a mid-afternoon thinly-sliced-beef baguette with butter and mustard. Then, about 7pm, I rustled up some spicy parsnip soup and served it with a warm ciabatta. Three delicious, homely meals, each prepared by myself and each, in their own way, tasty to the point of obscenity.
Mathew made do with a bowl of Rice Krispies, a dippy egg for lunch and some turkey dinosaurs and beans for tea, but he was equally as happy as myself and his mum.

On a sidenote, did you know that 'ciabatta' means 'carpet slipper' in Italian?
You probably did. But if you didn't, and that information leads to you winning a pub quiz sometime in the future, be sure to raise a glass to old Rory for helping you on your way.

RC 10-10-22

Little snippets

Gavin has changed his mind about me accompanying him to Devon. I have to say I'm relieved. I think his Grand Plan is going to continue, but it doesn't mean I have to let myself be dragged along with it. 

I've had the strange urge to learn a foreign language pop up again. I think it's a while since I learnt something new and the student part of my brain and personality wants me to start a new project. Something that I can obsess about for a couple of months and then give up on (like magic, Bible history, French, the harmonica and triathlons.)

 

The women in the office at work are being stereotypical women and asking me to bring in 'the baby' as soon as is humanly possible. I honestly think they want me to catch little Jasper before he even hits the sheets and take him into the office before we even cut the cord.

RC 6-10-22

Oral Intent

I have been trying to find a new dentist, somewhere close to where we live. I am still, officially, registered with our old Gob-Doctor back in Norfolk, although I haven't been there for a long time. I've been having a few issues with a couple of molars, and I think I should get them checked out before they become problematic and painful. As I'm sure most of you know, though, trying to find a dentist appointment in England at the moment is like trying to find a camel in the Arctic.

Gavin sent me an e-mail today, asking if I would be willing to travel down to Devon with him soon, to 'cast an outside eye' over his potential new investments and to 'see if any ideas' pop into my head about 'how to move them forward financially'. I replied with 'in theory, yes, but please remember my wife is HEAVILY pregnant and I don't want to be 300 miles away if she suddenly goes into labour'.

I await his answer with interest.

RC 5-10-22

It's getting closer

Philippa felt 'a twinge' today and I leapt for the car keys like a greyhound leaping for a Bonio. Turns out she needed to burp.

RC 4-10-22

It's getting scary

By the end of this month, I may be a dad again.  If I'm not, then it will only be days away. It is really going to happen again, and I can't persuade myself otherwise, even if I'd like to. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to meet Chesworth No.4, but the anxiety levels are high and there is a big part of me that would really like to postpone it for a while, or to run away to Belgium and avoid the whole thing.
The reminders are there constantly though. Philippa is almost as big as the house, and Mathew keeps asking 'When will Kevin get here?' (for some reason he has convinced himself he's getting a brother called Kevin).
I'll be sitting at work, happily distracted by the latest quote for a new air-conditioning system or something, and then I'll suddenly remember what's imminent, and shudder. I know I'll be happy when it's happened, but there's so much trauma to get through first that it can be overwhelming and terrifying. It's a bit like looking forward to a great movie, but knowing you've got to sit through 20 minutes of ads and trailers before it appears onscreen.
Although it's not like that at all....

RC 3-10-22