What A Way To End A Month

I have just performed my first at-home, in-garden barbecue of 2021!

It was only for me and Philippa, and there was only a small selection of products cooked, but I couldn’t let this spell of Summery weather pass without cooking outside at least once, and it felt wonderful.

The last few days have reminded me why the phrase “March Is My Favourite Month” was uttered by Rory in the first place. It’s been warm, bright, beautiful and dry. I’ve had a bike ride, a family walk and a barbecue, and the biting cold of just a few days ago has been forgotten. (just in time for it to come roaring back again by the weekend!)

Philippa came indoors to put Mathew to bed and I sat outside on a chair for another hour, wearing only a shirt. (Well – I had something on below the waist, of course, I just mean I wasn’t wearing anything MORE than a shirt, and I didn’t need to).

The Sun was a gorgeous glowing ball of slowly sinking wonder, and we had all the beauty and birdsong of a Summer’s evening but without the pestering flies, wasps and gnats.

Heaven!

I am enjoying myself right now, and it’s hard to believe it’s only one calendar month since I left my previous employers! Things are boding well for the future……

(and I can only hope I don’t regret saying that).

RC 31-3-21

Questionable content

Everything feels like Spring.

I’m so happy.

New job going well… Lockdown easing started today…. Mathew a two-year-old delight… and to put a big fat cherry-flavoured cherry on top, it feels like early Spring, rather than mid-Winter. (or is it Midwinter as one word? Not sure. One is probably more poetic than the other. But let’s not get distracted….)

You can walk about outside without seven layers of clothing on, and as this weekend, IT WILL BE LIGHT AFTER 7PM! And it won’t be as dark and as cold again for SIX MONTHS. My God, it’s glorious. What a time to be alive. And what a shame we had to go through the shit of the last few months to get here. But we ARE here, so let’s enjoy it, shall we?

Sorry – this blog is like the ramblings of a madman, or a bipolar chap at the height of his latest manic spell. It also has TOO MANY CAPITAL LETTERS and is a grammatical mess.

Ah, well. Tough. You have to take me as you find me.

 

To get back to my original train of thought (before I derailed it) – someone said a lovely phrase today at work: “March is when you start to see a change, April is when things start to grow, then May is when it all explodes.”

Or something like that.

The point is – I’M HAPPY!!!

RC 29-3-21

Open Eyes

Here I am, caught in the throes of insomnia for the first time in what feels like ages. I don’t know what’s set it off. Delayed reaction to a change of job, perhaps. Maybe a touch of excitement about the change to BST. Yes – that may be a big part of it. Plus, it always feels worse laying awake when you’re thinking about the fact that you should be asleep. When you’re wide awake on the night that we push the clocks forward, you know that you’ve already lost an hour from the night, and so your lack of sleep feels somehow worse and more acute. So the psychological battle with the part of me that is worrying about not sleeping is even worse than usual, and I know for a fact that the key to falling asleep is to stop thinking about the fact that you’re not falling asleep and just relax, but I can’t do that. It’s not happening. My mind is a whirling flurry of insomnia-fuelled obsession with the clock and I can hear it ticking away, even though we don’t actually have a clock that ticks.

Do I sound a little bit crazy?

Maybe – but such is the life of the night-wakers (as I have just decided to call myself and my fellow sufferers). And do you know what doesn’t help? The fact that every second where I’m NOT thinking about being awake, I’m thinking about the fact that from tomorrow we can start seeing people in their gardens again! Sophie and Hannah can both come round for a cuppa! We can go and see Ted & Beryl! IT’S SO EXCITING!!!!

Jeez – no wonder I can’t buy a ticket to SlumberVille.

RC 28-3-21

Strange rhythm

Where has March gone?

I mean, I know I go on about this repeatedly, and I seem to find it impossible to grasp the fact that months speed by quicker as they get warmer and lighter, but WHERE HAS MARCH GONE??? I spent years saying it’s my favourite month, but this year I hardly seem to have registered its existence. I’ve just been getting on with life and March has buggered off into the distance while I wasn’t looking.

 

In other, less repetitive, news I have been buying up old music CDs from cheap websites and indulging in them in the car. This week has been dominated by Genesis. To be exact – the incarnation of Genesis that existed shortly after Peter Gabriel left, up to the point that they decided to become bigger-selling by copying the mega-successful formula that Phil Collins used on his first solo albums. So my journeys to and from work this week have taken place to the sounds of “Duke” from 1983, which I suppose you might call ‘The Last Transition Album’ before they sold out good-and-proper with “Invisible Touch”.

The drumming, I have to say, is sublime. I mean the musicianship all round is pretty exemplary, but the drumming….

RC 26-3-21

Can't wait (but have to)

I spoke to Beryl tonight, and we’ve arranged to go over and see them on Saturday April 3^rd!
I’m so excited!!
We haven’t seen them for so, so long. They’ve barely spent any time with Mathew, and that’s disappointing, because as far as I’m concerned they’re his grandparents. Even during the ‘calm between the storms’ last year if felt too dangerous and too irresponsible to be with them, but now they’ve both been vaccinated, Philippa is regularly tested at work, and I’m no longer dealing daily with the sweaty, unwashed, potentially-infected public, so we’ve all agreed the time is right and so the date is set!
It’ll be great. Even sitting away from them in the garden is going to be a wonderful delight and a delightful wonder.

RC 25-3-21

A little reflective reflection

I was chatting to one of our maintenance guys today. Very nice gentleman in his early sixties.

“I used to see you when you were working the till at the garage,” said he, “Are you missing it yet?”

I said “No, of course not” automatically, but then I wondered later if I spoke too soon. I thought about it some more throughout this afternoon, and having mused on it a little bit more, and having considered everyone I used to work with, and all the pros and cons, I can honestly say this:

The only thing I miss is the canteen.

The staff canteen was excellent.

RC 24-3-21

Start of a slippery slope

Only a couple of weeks into life in my new office, and I have already created a snack drawer. This is not a particularly welcome development.  It was something I started in my previous job and is an idea I really didn’t want to bring with me – a sort-of refuge filled with sugary snacks and full-fat indulgences that I could dive into if I was feeling overly stressed or if I was having a bit of an energy dip. It probably makes me sound like an over-emotional, indulgent female teenager with an eating disorder, and maybe I’m not too far removed from that description, but it did provide great comfort during the dark days of Filling Station Management.  Argument with a customer? Help yourself to a Twix. Unable to integrate the orders on the outdated oft-failing ordering system? Plough into some Pringles. It started off as a small selection of treats filling about one-third of a small drawer, and ended up being a cupboard-sized stash of ready-to-hand naughtiness with a retail value close to fifty quid. The problem there – and I can admit this now I’ve left (although I believe I already admitted it while I was still employed there) – is that I checked in most of the deliveries, and it was really easy to mark a couple of things as damaged and to squirrel them away in my desk. The suppliers wouldn’t take individual items back, they’d only do returns if it was a full box that was faulty, and we weren’t allowed to sell ‘imperfect products’ at a reduced price. So if one tube of Pringles from a box of 36 happened to be dropped and dented, there really wasn’t any option but to bin them, or consume them myself. And you would be surprised how often things like that could happen. It’s a wonder I wasn’t called ‘Butterfingers’ Chesworth because I found it so hard to keep certain tasty items in my hands securely. And the more often it happened, and the longer it went unchecked, the more I found myself indulging. It’s quite shocking to think how much chocolate and confectionery I gorged my way through at no expense to myself.

Anyway- enough of this red wine induced confessional.  The point is – I have fallen into the same habit, by putting a Toblerone and a KitKat in the top drawer of my desk, and it feels nicely familiar, but I want it to stop now. So tomorrow I shall throw them away, and I shall not let myself replace them with anything other than fruit.

RC 23-3-21

THIS is why I like March!!

Today has been glorious. We had a lovely walk, I got to dig my bike out and give it a bit of a pre-ride clean-up and oil-up and I mowed the grass, even though it probably didn’t need it yet. It’s still quite chilly but it felt like a cool Spring day, rather than yet another grotty Winter wetfest.

In many ways, this has felt like the longest Winter of my life. Waiting for my notice at work to run out, dealing with another lockdown, and the constant onslaught of bad news about virus variants – including the cancellation of Christmas plans – feels like its all been going on for ages. Now though, thankfully, finally, there is stuff to look forward to, and stuff happening NOW that we can enjoy. The clocks change next week, so that lovely after-tea Land of Opportunity will open up again. Everyone I care about over the age of 50 has been vaccinated (or 80% vaccinated, I suppose we should say) and the cases causing problems in Britain continue to fall and be managed. With my naturally pessimistic outlook, it’s hard not to think of things that can go wrong, but at least for today I was able to keep my naughty head in check and revel in the glory of the outside world.

And, my God, it was welcome.

RC 20-3-21

So many smiles

My brain feels absolutely frazzled.

I’m enjoying the job, and I’m settling in well, and I’m picking things up quite quickly, and I like everyone else I’m working with, but it’s been a full-on, lots-to-learn opening fortnight and my brain feels like it’s melted into an eggcup.

 

In other news, wasn’t it absolutely bloody wonderful to have a sunny day today? I sat outside for lunch and there were so many people just walking around, enjoying the warmer air. After the drizzly, cold-wind shite of the past couple of weeks it was a gentle, timely reminder that we are in fact heading into Spring!

 

I would type more but my body is on the verge of shutting itself down completely, starting with my fingers, so I’ll leave it here for now before I start typing gibberish.

RC 19-3-21

Happy Day, St. Pat

Jesus, March is flying by.

Always happens, doesn’t it? The closer we get to Spring, the quicker the calendar rotates. And yet, as the same time, days seem to slow down considerably as we desperately await the welcome return of warmth, light and colour.

What do I mean by all that?

The dark months drag by; the brighter ones accelerate.

Simultaneously, the closer you get to something happening that you’re excited about, the slower time seems to pass. I’m excited about being able to cycle after tea, and fire up the BBQ, and play in a warm garden with Mathew, and go swimming, and do a bit of surfing, and see our flowers bloom again, and the nearer we get to the point where we can do those things, the further away they seem to feel.

It’s the same with the lockdown, and the lifting thereof. While we knew we had to stay home and not see anyone, it didn’t feel like too bad a task. Now we know we are close to be letting out again, it feels harder to put up with, and it feels more at threat, and it feels like it’s a lifetime away. Only two weeks until we can have my sisters round to sit in the garden. It feels like it’ll never get here.

And yet March is simply flying by….

RC 17-3-21

We're into March Part 2

I noticed something that gave me a little surge of pride, and also gave me an idea for a blog-related challenge that I can aim to achieve during 2021.

I posted 21 blogs in January.

I posted 22 blogs in February.

There is a pattern there that I can continue.

I could aim to write 23 blogs in March, and then 24 blogs in April.

I could then keep that going throughout the year, culminating in 30 postings in November and then 31 in December. So each successive month would see 1 more posting than the month before. I would also, as a consequence, complete another challenge I have considered in the past – namely, posting a blog on every day of one particular calendar month (which I would do in Nov & Dec).

How satisfying would that be???

And – perhaps more to the point - how EXHAUSTING.

RC 16-3-21

Still strange, but better

I woke up this morning with a very odd feeling that I couldn’t quite place. A mixture of unease, irritation and uncertainty. I had a shower and I ate some food and I talked to my wife and then I suddenly realised what it was. I was looking forward to going to work!!

This is something that hasn’t happened to me for so long that I had forgotten what it feels like.

I think the hangover from the old job will take a long time to recover from. I was so unhappy there for so long, and I kept dragging myself in and putting myself through it, that I still feel unhappy about it now, even though I’ve left. I think a big part of that is an awakening ‘why the Hell didn’t I leave sooner?’ voice that might just be my self-respect and self-caring side re-emerging after years of being buried beneath the crushing weight of dissatisfaction. I had only stayed there out of habit, and because it was conveniently close, and because it was quite good money. All acceptable reasons, I guess, but the longer you stay somewhere just because it’s nearby, the more entrenched you become and the less likely you become to do what’s best for your psyche and resign.

Thankfully, that’s all done now, and I can step forward confidently and with a sense of enjoyment. Man, that’s gonna take some getting used to!

RC 15-3-21

Two weeks til BST (Thank God)

Today has been like a hangover, the day of recovery from a stomach bug and the day after a bout of insomnia all rolled into one. I am tired, lethargic, aching, anxious, uncomfortable, giddy and hungry. I am also becoming very prone to writing lists of words in my blog postings. I did it yesterday, and I have done it again today. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good list, and let’s be honest, I’ve made it a regular habit to have entries on this blogsite that are made up entirely of lists, but when I resort to making a sentence in a posting that is just a list of words describing how I’m feeling, then something has gone very wrong.

So I’m giving myself a bit of homework, which is to stop doing that.

And that’s a good thing, because the only other thing I have to think about right now and concentrate on is learning an entirely new job in an entirely new industry, the inner and outer workings of the company I have just joined, and any-and-all laws, rules and regulations that may apply to it. So it’s good to have something else to think about.

RC 14-3-21

Pass me a pillow

Today has been like a minor mini-breakdown in Roryville.

I don’t know if it’s the combination of excitement, nerves, anxiety, discombobulation, relief, confidence and tiredness of my first week at work, or whether Mathew being awake during the night (thank you, teeth) had something to do with it, but I’m as weak as a Covid patient and as mentally confused as…. well, as a Covid patient, I guess.

Philippa says it’s to be expected, sister Sophie says I should try working in a care home, then I’d really have a reason to have a breakdown, and Mathew says “FOOD” and tries to help himself to a mango. It is, in many ways, a strange day.

It’s a shame because I need to start enjoying these Saturdays off while I still have them. Once we get t’other side of Easter I’ll be working most Saturdays as it’s one of our ‘holiday intake and realignment’ days (that’s not the exact phrase but I can’t remember it right now coz I Iearnt it way back on Monday and because my head is fried). That means we’ll have lots of people heading home, lots of staff cleaning the Hell out of everything so we are allowed to stay open in these virus-dictated times, and then lots of other people arriving a few hours later to replace them. It’s all very exciting but it’s all very mind-altering and I think I need to go and lay down again.

RC 13-3-21

New job Fri-ku

Five days have passed by
The week has gone so quickly
And yet somehow dragged

Company provides
Caravans and boating trips
And holiday cheer

A change of career.
Will Rory be successful?
Or fall on his face?

RC 12-3-21

From lockdown to overflow

Judging by the amount of holiday bookings I can see on our system, and the number of enquiries about camping, and the number of names on our waiting lists, I would guess the population of East Anglia will be swelling by about two-thirds this Summer.

I’m still not clear on how sensible it will be for millions of us to be trekking all over the country over the next six months, but the government guidance and the scientific expectations seem to be that Mr Corona will be well under control thanks to vaccines and warmer weather, so you can’t blame people for planning holidays. Most of the people I’ve spoken to have no intention of venturing abroad anytime in the near future, so that is providing a big boost to local tourism industries, of which I am now a part.

 

I’ve been introducing myself to a few of our permanent residents today. The main office for the business is on our biggest caravan site, and that’s where I am based, so it’s quite easy to take a walkabout through the Park and bump into a few people who live here.

Tomorrow I’m taking a road trip with Gavin to have a look around the 2 other sites I’ll be responsible for. As far as I understand, they’re like mini versions of the main site, so they’re run in a similar way, on a smaller scale. One of them is a more pricey, family-based place while the other is adults only. That doesn’t mean it’s a Swingers-populated sexfest, by the way, it just means it’s a place that couples or retired folk can go to without having screaming, excited youngsters racing around all the time. We cater for all types, you see…

RC 10-3-21

Why My Life Feels Weird (a list)

I have started a new job.

Restrictions are slowly starting to be lifted.

My son is starting to say things!

My wife is pressuring me to impregnate her again.

I have not been hit by insomnia in a while, which is welcome, but weird.

Haven’t mentioned this before, but I’ve cut down on coffee.

I’m weird.

RC 9-3-21

Life After Garages

I’m buzzing.
Despite the nerves, my first day in my new place of work was enjoyable, surprisingly productive and even more surprisingly relaxing. I think I’d got myself a bit worked up over the weekend and had built it into more of an obstacle than it needed to be. I had convinced myself I would walk into a room where everyone expected me to know everything immediately, and who would then hate me when it became obvious I was inexperienced and out of my depth. In reality, everyone was very welcoming and very friendly and they know it’ll take me a while to get used to things. I don’t have to put pressure on myself to make a big impact and revolutionise the business because it’s running perfectly well already. I just have to slot myself into the management machinery and keep things moving along. If I break out my Big Ideas Book and start stirring things up for the sake of it, I’ll probably alienate people and mess up the system. So there’s no real pressure to perform, which is lovely.
I’ll give you more details about things as I learn them myself, but for now it is nice to report that I feel I have made a good decision.

RC 8-3-21

Life After Potter

I have accidentally watched a few Daniel Radcliffe films over the past week or so. I don’t think he’s a particularly outstanding actor, but he’s certainly made some interesting choices of roles and has been involved in some very watchable movies. I guess you can be choosy and selective when you earned £20million from your first role.

“Swiss Army Man” is bizarre and beautiful.

“Jungle” is a disturbing, delightful survival flick.

And “Escape from Pretoria” is a genuinely tense, edge-of-the-seat thriller that is based on a true story of which I knew nothing.

I seem to remember ‘Horns’ being one of the weirdest films of the last decade as well.

So what am I saying? I guess I’m saying that he is putting together a very interesting body of work, and it is very easy to watch him without thinking “Look, it’s Harry Potter!” and that is quite an achievement in itself.

Plus – writing this has distracted me from the nerves I am feeling about going into my new office today. But I can’t put it off any longer. It’s time to get in my car…..

RC 8-3-21

One week done, then..

It feels like a lifetime ago that I worked as a Filling Station Group Locality Area Sub-Division Micro-Manager (or whatever the Hell my job title was). Hard to believe I’m only one week removed from my last day of employment there.

I’m pleased with how things have gone this week. That may just be the initial excitement of change and the relief of being away from the supermarkets, but I do feel I have hit the ground running, so to speak.

I get to start work in my office on Monday. There’s not much in it, and there are very strict Covid-related regulations that we’ll all be adhering to, but at least I can get my feet under the table and see if my chair is comfy.

My weekend shall be spent doing a bit of homework, as there are still tonnes of things I need to learn that I haven’t even looked at yet. But I shall also find time for some cooking, some film viewing and - weather permitting – some cycling.

RC 5-3-21

A Distant Target

Ignoring my work goings-on, I would just like to say how much I am enjoying seeing the Perseverance pictures that NASA is putting online every day.

It’s still incredible to me to think that we have a man-made moving object now exploring the surface of another planet. It’s so easy to just accept it because it’s happened, but the reality of the achievement is astounding and should be celebrated by each and all. We’re getting high-resolution images from a destination that took SEVEN MONTHS to get to. We’re enjoying the fruits of an orchard that was planted over ten years ago when the project was in its infancy. We’re learning methods of working and making breakthroughs that will benefit the electronics and manufacturing industries for years to come. And we get to watch it all on our computers. And - dare I say it again - we are getting to see pictures FROM ANOTHER PLANET. It blows my mind and lifts my soul in equal measure, and I find it all quite emotional.

And if you start complaining about how much it cost and asking, ‘What’s the point, exactly?’ I will meet you in an abandoned car park and throw you down a stairwell.

RC 4-3-21

Lots of New News are Newing

My blogging may be a bit weird and a bit haphazard for a while, as I get used to a new job and a new routine.

For a start, I’m having to do everything from home because Gavin hasn’t had the go-ahead to let all his management team back into their office. I think I’m going in next Monday, but for this week it’s all Zoom and Teams and Messenger and phone calls, and me reading tonnes of literature and information about the business. My mind is a flurry. I feel nervous about the new job, relieved to be rid of the old one, excited about the Summer ahead, scared about possible variants, proud to have secured a new position, worried that I should have stayed in retail, reluctant to be at home all week, pleased I haven’t got to travel, and generally mixed up like a jambalaya that’s been knocked over while being stirred by an over-enthusiastic chef.

I know it will all settle down and I’ll get into it, but it feels a bit weird right now.

I should re-read my blogs from the time when Philippa started working at the doctor’s surgery. I remember her being all in a tizz while she got used to it all, and I imagine I was incredibly supportive and helpful, so I should take a look back and follow the advice I was giving her back then about how to cope.

In the meantime – Happy New Month to all, Happy Spring to those of you who designate March 1^st as the start of a season, and Happy St David’s Day to everyone Welsh.

RC 1-3-21