pointless exercise

Here’s my favourite musical acts that begin with each letter of the alphabet:

Adams, Ryan

Beatles

Corrs

Dylan, Bob

Eminem

Franklin, Aretha

Gogol Bordello

Holly, Buddy

Ian Dury and the Blockheads

Johnsons, Antony and the..

Kula Shaker

Lamontagne, Ray

Melua, Katie

New Seekers

Oasis

Proclaimers

Queen

Rag’n’Bone Man

Stevie Wonder

The Darkness

U2

Van Morrison

Weller, Paul

X-Ray Spex

Young, Paul

ZZ Topp

P.S. – Yeah, I admit it. I changed the rules as I went along to fit in the acts that I wanted.

P.P.S. – thanks Wikipedia for your help with my research for this blog posting.

P.P.P.S. – with regards the title of this blog – isn’t all exercise pointless???

RC 31-5-18

The Irritating Curse of Insomnia

I’ve been up and about since 4.48 am.

I got to sleep just before midnight last night, then I was awake again from 1.17. The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 2.35, so I guess in total I had about three-and-a-quarter hours of shuteye.

Is that enough to survive on as a functioning human being?

I doubt it, but there doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it.

I was once offered sleeping pills by a GP, but I’d rather not go down that route. I have tried the herbal/homeopathic/alternate-therapy equivalents and they didn’t work. One remedy gave me stomach-ache and runny shits and the other one made my head spin. Neither of them sent me off to DreamWorld though.

The internet, as it always is, is full of suggestions and ‘Things That Have Worked For Others’ ranging from apparently foolproof ancient Mayan rituals to bizarre voodoo practices to homemade alcoholic tinctures.

I’ve tried exercising before sleep, being inactive for three hours before bed, cutting out caffeine, cutting out dairy, not eating sweets, meditation music, lying down from 6pm, sitting in a chair with my eyes closed all evening, walking around, standing barefoot on grass, propping myself up with pillows, having a cushion under my knees, doing puzzles, avoiding mental pursuits from 8pm,having a hot bath, avoiding a hot bath, drinking camomile tea, sipping iced water, laying the opposite way in bed to normal, sleeping on the floor, sellotaping my eyes closed and listening to classical music.

Nothing makes any difference.

It’s like there’s a switch in my head and if it’s pointing to ‘Sleep’ I’m ok, but if it’s locked on ‘Awake’ I’m buggered.

I try not to worry about it anymore and I try to spend the extra waking time productively, but it’s hard to achieve anything worthwhile when you’re behaving like a zombie. I can’t read because I get to the bottom of a page and I forget what was written halfway down it. I can’t do anything energetic because I feel like I haven’t recharged enough. I’m running on about 14% of my power. I once tried logging into my work computer from home so I could get the next month’s rotas finished, but I ended up giving one member of staff 147 hours in a week and accidentally booked our overnight part-timer on a training course in Israel.

Anyway – it’s nearly half-past seven now so I’ll try and wash myself in the shower. It’ll probably make me feel sleepy, but it’s too late now.

Hey, ho.

RC 30-5-18

Doze

I’m really not sleeping very well at the moment. It’s led to me feeling rather lethargic and unmotivated today. I have some computer-based shite to get finished, so it’s nice to be sitting in my office listening to the coverage of the French Open and eating some sweets. I don’t know what it is about listening to tennis that I find so interesting. It’s not as if I have a history of playing the game, and it’s not as if I’m a massive fan of sports in general, but there’s something I like about plugging into it.

Maybe it’s the gladiatorial nature of the game itself. Maybe it’s the strange combination of posh voices commentating and grunting players in the background. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s very easy to follow and therefore not too confusing. I don’t know. But as my eyes are so heavy today it’s been good to have on around me. I haven’t got much work done, but who cares?  The way I see it, one of two things will be happening – either I’ll have a new position and be a lot busier, or I won’t have a job here at all. Either way, I’m determined to enjoy days like today while I have them.

RC 29-5-18

Bank Holiday, baby (delayed)

I thought I posted this at 8am this morning, but obviously our broadband was taking a break and not working… (thanks yet again, BT)… so here it is at 5.45pm:

Yesterday was okay in the end. It was like waking up next to a completely different person. Philippa went from being a psychotic, overbearing, tidiness-obsessed employer to being a calm, pleasant, loving, friendly wife. I swear I’ll never understand her. What weird messed-up, genetically-modified hormone surge can make a woman be like a tiger with a toothache on Saturday night and then a loving lamb on a Sunday morning? I don’t know much about the dude who wrote ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ but my guess would be he based it on his wife….

She’s not up yet so I have yet to discover which one of her personalities I’ll be living with today. The angry yeti from Saturday or the meek butterfly from Sunday? Or a hybrid of the two? Or a third, as-yet-unencountered being that will make my life interesting and unbearable in equal measures? That’s the joy of my marriage at the moment – I never know quite what I’m getting, where we’re going, or what I should do to endure it. Anyways – at least I’m not working this Bank Holiday (having slogged my way through the last one.) I’d have loved to have had a lie-in but for some reason my body seems to be refusing to allow me to sleep after 5am these days. My eyes spring open and my mind is alert and I start getting the urge to go outside and build something. Maybe it’s a generations-old natural reaction to the longer hours of daylight we’re having. Maybe I’m catching Philippa’s mood swings by osmosis, or my own hormones are a bit messed up as well, I don’t know.

I don’t mind though, not really. Given control of my own existence, I would love to sleep most of Winter and be awake most of Summer. Get my sleep when it’s dark and be awake all the time it’s light and never have to deal with SAD or shitty January darkness again.

Now if you’ll excuse me – I have the urge to build an omelette.

RC 28-5-18

So much for the sofa...

My day of bumming around the house catching up on rest and viewing some flicks morphed rapidly into an active day of shopping, tidying and sorting. What made everything change? My wife got up, armed with a bad mood and her own plan of what our Saturday should involve. Sometimes, as a married man, you just have to give up and get on with it, and today was quite definitely one of those days.

I’d like to think that my efforts over the past ten hours or so might lead to me being allowed to chill a bit throughout Sunday, but with the way Philippa’s mind seems to be working at the moment I expect I’ll be given a list of chores longer than the original unedited draft of the Bible.

RC 26-5-18
2245 BST

Downtime

I’m having a weekend of completely ignoring anything to do with work. I’m relaxing, cycling, spending time with my wife and generally doing things that I enjoy, rather than thinking about presentations or rotas or any of that old worky bollocks. I’m losing myself in a 48-hour period of Rory-Time (pausing only to write a couple of blog entries.)

I fancy a film, but the cinema feels so far away on a lazy morning like this one. And what would we watch anyway? ‘Solo – A Star Wars Story’ interests me about as much as the chance of lancing a boil on an old man’s bum. ‘Sherlock Gnomes’ looks sweet but the screening will be full of noisy kids rattling their Curly-Wurly wrappers and coughing their germs into the poorly-maintained air-conditioned ether. The only other options are “Avengers: Cash-Cow” and some Saoirse Ronan film that I’ve never heard of, but which looks like a shit adaptation of a book.

Maybe we can re-visit an old favourite on DVD (I’m so modern!)

It’s warm outside, but damp and dull. Philippa has been feeling a bit unwell so she’ll probably like the idea of sloughing on the sofa and staring at a screen. I fancy a fun, old-style comedy like ‘Throw Momma from The Train’ or ‘City Slickers.’ Or maybe both! We can have a back-to-back double-bill Billy Crystal laugh-fest. Yes, I think that sounds like an excellent plan.

Thanks for your help….

RC 26-5-18

Lost in the layers...

Been a strange week, all round.

I’ve been trying to put together a bit of a presentation for my Area Manager, because it’s been hinted to me that I may be on the shortlist for the new position, and that they’ll expect me to turn up to interview with a presentation of my plans and ideas. But I’ve also heard it whispered on a different grapevine that they decided months ago who the new ‘District Managing Officer’ (or whatever) would be and they’re just going through the motions of advertising and recruitment so they don’t face a future HR complaint. So, as usual in life, I’m caught between two possible futures, two possible scenarios and two separate mindsets and trying to find a way to prepare for all eventualities and to satisfy both sides of my psyche.

That Buddhist book I read had the right idea – switch off all thought, ignore all speculation and concentrate on the immediate.

If only it was as easy to do as it is to read.

RC 24-5-18

Naturally funny

There is a bird called the Sombre Tit.

Childish, I know, but I find that very amusing…

RC 22-5-18

Double dose of avoidance

Royal Wedding and the FA Cup Final. Two big events in one day, neither of which I was interested in, so Philippa and I went to a 1940s weekend at a Suffolk village and had a wonderful time. It was strange to be looking at World War Two vehicles parked in front of Tudor buildings – as if we’d been transported to a strange alternate existence where the timelines of England had been twisted and skewed and folded back on themselves. There was a good old-fashioned Swing band playing this evening so we had a bit of a bop.

Philippa drove home and I was rabbiting on about how wonderful it would have been if we’d lived 75 years ago and could have done this for real every weekend. She let me finish and then said “That would have been 1943. You’d have been dragged into the War somehow. I’d have been working in the Women’s Land Army and spending my nights getting jiggy with an American airman who would go like a piston because he knew he might get shot down and killed the next day. So yeah – it might have been fun.”

We spent the rest of the journey in silence.

RC 19-5-18

Uncommon commotion

We had a point today where loads of people stopped what they were doing, stared at their phones and then started muttering to each other in hushed tones. I thought there must have been a big terror attack somewhere, or an attempted assassination.

It turned out to be the announcement of England’s football World Cup squad. Forgive me for not collapsing with excitement.

The company are starting to ramp up the in-store special-event BUY ALL THIS SHIT OR YOU’RE NOT PATRIOTIC advertising to convince sports fan to try and out-do each other with displaying their love of England. The whole thing is lost on me, but it means we’ll sell a lot more alcohol for a month or so, and we’ll be really quiet at the times that our national team are playing.

It’s a strange thing ‘The World Cup.’ All the excitement of the Olympics without the variety. One game, that most of us are already sick of, being played more often than usual and splattered all over the TV at the expense of other programming. Not that I watch much television anyway, but still – there are principles involved. All the newspapers are getting into a tizz about ‘supporter safety’ in Russia, just like they were concerned about it in Brazil four years ago. It’s almost as if they churn out the same old shit over and over again when circumstances warrant, rather than rely on proper journalism and actual ‘news.’

I’m going to stop thinking about it now. I don’t like football and yet I’m being sucked into a debate of my own creation. There are far more enjoyable, more intellectual pursuits to spend time on. Like dominoes.

RC 16-5-18

Wind and Wondering

Yesterday’s blog, in retrospect, was a bit of a jumbled mess. It was also very wordy, and a bit pointless, like a boring run-down of 48 hours in someone’s life with no real benefit to man or beast. I like to write fun things for you to peruse and contemplate on, and yesterday’s effort was just a rushed-at-work outpouring of incoherent thought.

So – I promise to take my time today and to produce something worthy of your reading.

Here’s a list of funny phrases people use instead of the word ‘fart’:

“I’ve just done a windy wotsit”

“I just gave birth to an air puppy”

“A turd-based tornado just blew through Buttock Canyon”

 “Little Miss Methane has crept from her cave”

“Gassy Guff-Guff Trumpington”

“My internal balloon just sprung a big leak”

“My bowel baby came out early”

“Whiffy Whirlwind”

“Those gas-guns farmers use to scare the crows are loud this year, aren’t they?’

“I just did an air-shit”

RC 15-5-18

Where is May going?

It was a relaxed weekend of walking, talking, laughing and having fun. A proper weekend, as I see it. I still occasionally think back to my days of working unusual shifts and it reminds me to appreciate what I have now – regular hours Monday to Friday, with my evenings free and just one weekend a month where I have to go into work.

Nothing to complain about, and I need to keep that in mind, having just spent a week complaining in this blog about slight changes to my worklife (which would actually be better for me financially, if it even happens.) But I’ve promised myself not to mention that whole ‘new position’ stuff all week, so let me move on, by moving backwards.

Saturday I took an early morning cycle down a bridle path while Philippa enjoyed a well-deserved lie-in. We did some house-cleaning duties and then had a nice picnic lunch sitting in the garden. Then it clouded over and threatened rain so we found something fun to do indoors together, and then for some bizarre reason that has escaped me we wasted four hours watching Eurovision.

Yesterday we drove back up into Norfolk and met up with sister Sophie. It still seems weird not to be writing ‘Sophie and Tamara’ but I’m afraid that particular romantic coupling seems to have reached an unfortunate end. They’ve been parted for about four weeks now and I’m not convinced that’s likely to change. I think it’s a huge shame, but Sophie seems okay with it all so it’s not for me to get involved. She was relaxed and smiling rather than tearful and glum so I guess she’s in a good place. We talked about seeing each other more often and that would be fine with us.

We got home in time to see ‘Tomorrowland’ which was a surprisingly enjoyable Disney family sci-fi on BBC2. Bit heavy on effects, and even heavier on the moralising, but a better thing to watch than some over-hyped, over-produced, ultra-political song contest.

Right – that’s enough procrastinating. Time for some actual work!!!

The title of this blog, by the way, was a reference to how quickly this month seems to be passing by, so apologies if you came here thinking this would be speculation on the future of our Prime Minister.

RC 14-5-18

Back to the old...

I’ve decided to go ahead and apply for one of the new positions. If I don’t, as I see it, I’ll either be made redundant, asked to move somewhere completely different, or given a lower position working under whoever it is who does fill the new role. So sod it all to Hell – I’ve got the application info and I’m going to do it over the weekend.

Or maybe on Monday, while sitting in the office. Then, technically, I’ll be getting paid to do it.

RC 11-5-18

A third of May gone already

I want to change the subject matter of my blogs this week, but it’s hard when my mind tends to be obsessively focussed on one subject at a time. Look back through my online history and there’ll be several sections where I just keep revisiting the same topic for a while. (Usually work unhappiness, the weather, or my wife’s obsession with parenthood.)

I took my bike out for a gentle cyclette this evening, but failed to enjoy the exercise or the scenery as my head was filled with both sides of the ‘Will I/Won’t I’ argument about the new job. I need to distract myself, but when I do things that should distract me I’m distracted from doing them by the thing that I’m trying to distract myself from. Crazy. Maybe alcohol is the answer. In small quantities it can help to switch you off from your problems. In larger amounts it can help you forget them for a while. Take it further and you can just pass out and avoid the hassle completely. Sounds quite an attractive proposition but I’m sure I’ve tried that before and I’m sure it didn’t really work. You can’t avoid these kinds of situations and decisions, you can only postpone them. You have to face them head on and go for it or hide in fear and then make a snap judgement while your head is jumbled. It’s up to you. By which I mean – it’s up to me.

Time for a shower, then some reading.

RC 10-5-18

More job thoughts (sorry to bore you)

Money may end up being a factor. In my mind, I should be paid at least twice as much as I’m getting now, and that’s me being generous. If I’m going to be managing four different garages then surely I should get four times my current wage?

In their minds, they see it differently. So much of the work will be centralised now, or simply done automatically by algorithms and hardware, that they say my workload will barely be any bigger than it is now. Hence – the wage increase will be minimal.

“If it goes well and you prove yourself, there’s always the possibility of advancement and a better-paid position higher up the management structure,” they say.

Yeah – and if I hold my breath underwater long enough there’s always the possibility that I’ll grow gills and live my life as a fish. Something being a possibility is no indicator of it becoming a reality. Especially where big businesses and wages are concerned.

RC 9-5-18

Smoke up my arse?

I called Mr. Area Manager today and had a chat through my options vis-à-vis the upcoming changes. He spent three minutes obviously stalling while going on his computer to look up who I actually am, before waxing lyrical about my wonderful traits and my suitability for the job. I know they’re gonna just give out any old crap that convinces someone to take the position for them, but he did make some good points about me…..

It’s a difficult one and I don’t know how I’m going to proceed. I guess I should discuss it with Philippa but I find that doing that tends to cloud my mind even further, so I might leave it until I know for sure what I want to do, then I’ll put it to her and see what she thinks.

RC 8-5-18

Bank Holi-busy-day

Yeah – I had to work today. We were busier than a brothel at the Houses of Parliament. (Does that work as a witty line? Is it funny? I’m too tired to care…)

Everyone seemed to be filling up with fuel before heading to the coast for a beach walk. Those not heading to the coast were filling up with fuel before driving to visit relatives, and those doing neither of those things were filling up with fuel before popping over to the supermarket for barbecue utensils and gardening equipment.

I honestly think today may be one of the three most profitable days we’ve had since I started here at the garage, and I hate myself for even knowing that may be so, and hate myself even more for admittedly getting a bit excited about it.

Part of me wants to call Head Office and say “Look what we’ve done today! Doesn’t this make me the obvious choice to be overseeing five different filling stations??”

Part of me wants to poke myself in the eye for being so company minded.

I shall forget the whole thing by opening a bottle of fizzy alcohol and sitting in the garden with my wife.

There’s no point calling Head Office anyway – I guarantee you none of those ****ers will be working a Bank Holiday.

RC 7-5-18

Total ellipse of the heart

Apropos of nothing – my new challenge for this month seems to be to subconsciously put lots of ….. in my blog titles. (apart from this one)

RC 4-5-18

The job... the latest...

I’ve been sounded out about the possibility of applying for one of the new positions. Apparently I’m the only manager locally who gets everything done on time, I’m the only one who doesn’t call Head Office at least once a week for help with some minor task and I’m the only one who doesn’t have a huge turnover of staff. The local Area Manager also put a good report in about the way I dealt with the disruptions and changes when they put in the overnight booth and sent us 24-hours-a-day.

I’m not a fan of flattery, but it is nice to hear it occasionally.

I don’t know how to feel about the whole thing. I know I’m not challenging myself in my current position, and I only fell into it by accident, and I’m not exactly making direct use of my scientific education, but I’m sort of content and happy and not looking to advance or expand or have added hassle. But it may be that my only choices are extra duties or redundancy. This change is going to happen for definite and if I don’t accept a higher position I’ll be out of a job, because my ‘one-garage role’ will have ceased to exist.

It should just mean doing the same thing 3 or 4 times and just travelling between them occasionally, but at my place I have things running smoothly and how I like them, so if things go wrong they can be dealt with. With 4 sites under me there’s so much more to contend with.

It’s annoying because given the choice I’d just stay as I am, but I can’t. Do I want to give it a go and bail out if it’s too stressful? Or say ‘no, thanks’ and move on to something else? I have a few good years management experience now, I’m sure I could find something decent to turn my hand to…

RC 3-5-18

Sssshhhhh...

We were both fed up after another day of rain so we thought we’d go and lock ourselves in a cinema and pretend it was still mid-Summer. When you’re surrounded by darkness you can convince yourself that anything might be happening outside. That’s why my short-term goal in life now is to spend every rainy day with my eyes closed.

Anyway – back to the film. I didn’t fancy the latest Avengers CGI-wankfest so we ended up giving “A Quiet Place” a go. I didn’t know anything about it and I’m glad I didn’t, because I’m not a fan of horror films and reading the blurb may have put me off. What an ASTONISHING film!!!! It grabbed me by the balls with one hand, and with the heart by the other, and it didn’t let go for 90 minutes. I LOVED it.

I’m not going to try and sound like a clever reviewer, and I’m not going to give anything away, but I would say that whatever your gender, whatever your background, and whatever your age, you’ll find it a thrill. It’s part ‘Aliens’, part ‘Signs’, part ‘Cast Away’, part ‘War of the Worlds’, part ‘Children of the Corn’ and part lots of other stuff, but also its own unique creation.

I just hope they leave it alone and don’t ruin the effect by dragging it out as a five-part sequel-fest.

(and now I’ve managed to sound like I’m trying to sound like a clever reviewer… and I’ve also ended on a negative note while writing about one of the best cinema experiences I’ve ever had!)

What a douche.

What a cynic.

But WHAT a film!!!!

RC 2-5-18

I may...

A third of the year completed so far and I’ve managed to post at least 20 blog scribblings each month. Do I dare suggest that I keep this run going and set it as my Blog Challenge for 2018?

Probably a bad idea. As soon as I settle on it as a task I’ll go down with some rare viral disease that wipes out my ability to type or sustain a head injury and keep forgetting my password for Blogger.

Ever the optimist, that’s me.

RC 1-5-18