Thank God for orange juice (and my staff discount card)

I seem to have held off the dreadful cold that's been threatening my respiratory system for the past 48 hours.  The good old girls in the supermarket pharmacy did me proud with various concoctions and suggestions and I followed their advice and feel better for it. I’m not sure I was supposed to take EVERYTHING they sent me home with but never mind. I’ve never felt better! And if the combination of various drugs causes long-lasted liver damage then so be it. At least I’m not having to wipe my nose every five minutes like some of the other poor saps around Suffolk at the moment!

RC 29-11-15

Last Nov appearance of Fri-ku

Title of this blog
Merges ‘Friday’ and ‘Haiku’
I am soooooo clever!    

RC 27-11-15

I may, just may, be poorly soon

I may have flu.
Or maybe it’s just a tickly throat and I’m worrying needlessly.
Either way I have brought home several pharmaceutical products from the supermarket and my pill-popping hand is ready to roll.
In the meantime, I’m going to try and finish my Christmas shopping online. I’ve never bought all my pressies WHILE WE’RE STILL IN NOVEMBER and I’d really like to achieve that this year. If Amazon and the postal service get themselves in gear I might even be able to get them all DELIVERED here before December 1st. Hell, if they get themselves in gear enough to bring them to me by the weekend I might even have time to get them ordered, delivered and WRAPPED before we reach day one on our advent calendars! Wouldn’t that be something??
Of course, it’s very much dependent on how bad this flu is….

RC 26-11-15

Looking forward (but not...)

Shit man, this time next week we’ll be in December!
That fills me with both joy and fear. It also fills me with dread, anticipation, hatred, reluctance and (for some reason) indigestion.

Had to go for a final wedding suit fitting today. All very unpleasant, but at least I had Ted with me for company. Did I get round to telling you he’s going to be my Best Man?
I wasn’t going to have one at first, but Philippa kind of talked me into it, saying “You need to pick someone to be a witness for us anyway, you might as well honour them with an official title.“ Then I agonised over who to pick, then when the answer popped into my head it felt like the obvious choice, and one I should have made in the first place. He’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a father, and I’ve talked to him about things I’ve never talked to anyone else about, so I guess he’s like a best friend as well. He was speechless when I asked him, then welled up with tears, then tried to pass it off as ‘nothing.’ But he said yes, and I’m so glad he did.

Now I have to work all day Saturday to make up for missing today. Thanks for swapping, Jim, and enjoy your weekend off…

RC 25-11-15

Glad to be home, in the dry and warm

Rained all day today. I felt rather miserable sitting in my little office doing paperwork. Then I felt rather miserable when I covered lunches and had to deal with customers who were themselves rather miserable. Then I felt even more miserable when I had to go into the huge, cold storeroom above the managers office in the supermarket and dig out the Christmas decorations that we’re designated to use in the garage. Then I had to suffer the awful combination of overenthusiastic fans of Xmas who whooped with joy while I untangled a string of lights, and those who hate it and castigated me for daring to put up some tinsel in November.
People drive me nuts. 

RC 24-11-15

Winter arrives with a bang

Well so much for the ongoing Autumn.
Bloody freezing today, and awful, awful weather.
Lots of rain, and more wind than you get at Ted and Beryl’s after one of her family roasts….
Never mind. Gave me an excuse to stay in and do naff all. Hoovered a bit but apart from that it’s been movies all the way, and will be until midnight at least.
If there’s a better combination than a Saturday evening and ‘The Dark Knight Trilogy’ I haven’t found it yet during my time on Earth.

RC 21-11-15

This weeks Idiot Award goes to..

I had to deal with the most bizarre complaint form I’ve ever seen in my life today. I wish I could have copied it, and scanned it, and put it online for you to look at, but apparently I’m not allowed to for some silly reason or other.
The basic gist was that a van driver called into the garage recently, and was a bit peckish. He helped himself to a Mars bar and a Scotch egg from the fridge. Somehow (and I know not how) he had survived thirty-odd years of life without ever encountering a Scotch egg before, or having the slightest idea what one was. Hence the nature of his complaint: “I’m a frequent whiskey drinker and I can say for definite when the flavour is present and when it isn’t. There was obviously NO Scotch in this product anywhere. Feel assured I will be contacting Trading Standings over this issue very shortly.”
I wanted to wait until he comes in again and then ridicule him mercilessly in front of other customers but apparently I’m not allowed to for some silly reason or other, so I sent him a £5 voucher and a letter of explanation. 

Bit of a shitty thing to waste my 1500th blog on, but there you go. Done now.

RC 20-11-15

c. MD

My next blog posting will be no.1500!
Weird to think now that I very nearly gave up at 1000. I’m glad I didn’t. I feel committed for life now. I think I’ll be doing this for years to come. Unless we all die in a horrendous nuclear war, or an electro-magnetic pulse takes out the internet, or becoming a married parent takes away all my spare typing time. (You can decide for yourselves which of those outcomes is more likely)

RC 19-11-15

Remarkable change of attitude, really

I think I’ve broken through all the wedding nerves and wedding doubts and I’m now really looking forward to it.
It helps that the ceremony is at 10am - I won’t have ages to spend pacing around and fretting, we can just get there and get on with it. It also helps that we’ve only got 24 people at the register office, and they’re people we really want to be there. 
Philippa’s mum is still unhappy that we’re staying together the night before the wedding, but that’s just something traditional and superstitious and it doesn’t bother us at all. We both think it’s hugely romantic that we’ll be spending our last night of singlehood together, because in our minds we’ve been committed to each other for years so it becoming legal isn‘t a huge step for either of us. Who needs a ‘last night of freedom’ when you don’t want one? Why should we do certain things just because they’re normally done in the run-up to a wedding? 
It’s our big day and we’re doing things exactly how we want to.
So we’re having the day of December 23rd at a luxury health spa at a local hotel, then we’ll have an evening meal in the hotel restaurant before retiring to one of their best rooms, then in the morning of Christmas Eve we shall have breakfast together, then get ready together, then travel together to the venue at which we shall become married. If that’s not accepted as ‘the usual way’ then tough. It’s what we want. We want to express our love for each other and join in matrimony for life and that‘s all that matters.  We’re not interested in doing things ‘the usual way.’
I’m not even having a stag do, despite protestations from my old colleague Jared. He’s decided to go ahead and plan one anyway, which I’ve already insisted I won’t turn up for, so it will basically be him and his mates using me getting married as an excuse to lose themselves in an orgy of drugs (not that they need an excuse most weekends…) 
I don’t want all those money-making trappings and peripheral shite that goes with a wedding - I just want to be Philippa’s husband, and the sooner it happens the better. 
And at this point I refer you back to the title of this blog….

RC 18-11-15

Xmas presents I've bought so far

Something religious for Nathan
Something teachy for Hannah
Something romantic for Philippa

(Please don’t tell them and ruin the surprise)

RC 17-11-15

Mid-November, and 14C!

I’m aware that this extended Autumn can’t last forever, so trying to stay positive about the imminent changes I’ve written a few THINGS I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN WINTER:
 1. Getting to make hot chocolate by melting snow in a saucepan and adding milk and cocoa powder.
 2. Staying in bed all day on a Sunday when it’s wet and cold outside and only light for six hours.
 3. Philippa cuddling up close every night because she hates to feel cold in bed.

RC 16-11-15

revolution/revelation

It was warm today, but incredibly windy, so instead of my planned bike ride I decided to stay in and try some interesting new food combinations. As a result I have four important words to share with you - four words which may just encompass the best gastronomic discovery I’ve made in my lifetime.
Ready?

GINGER NUTS WITH CURRANTS.

Enjoy.

RC 15-11-15

A day of weird decisions

I think I’m going to start watching some Christmassy films. For three reasons: 
1. I’m having to decorate the garage early next week so I need to get in the mood a bit. 
2. Our Xmas this year will be interrupted by a wedding, so it’s nice to get some Yuletide stuff in while I can.
3. It’ll distract me from thinking about the wedding.

Philippa and I have been discussing the idea of setting up a business together when we’re married. Maybe housesitting, as most of the current agencies seem to be run by incompetent fuzzheads. 

The first paragraph of this blog has made me realise that I should get my arse in gear with Christmas shopping (see point no.2 above) or it’s likely I’ll run out of time or forget completely after being over-swamped by wedding nerves.
Amazon, here I come….

RC 14-11-15

A Friday Trip To Haiku-Land

Great cycling weather
But I work during daytime
So bike is unused

Six weeks til Christmas
Less than six weeks til wedding
Two months til I’m calm….

Another weekend
That’s Saturday and Sunday
In case you don’t know

Not many hedgehogs
Too much construction by man
No hedges; no hogs

This haiku today
Is full of shit and nonsense
Much like Rory’s head

RC 13-11-15

Just to say...

I make no apology for using the word ‘Christmas’ in yesterday’s blog title. You may say November 11th is too early, but I watched telly for three hours last night and EVERY AD BREAK had a big, fat, steaming Christmas advert, so you’re wrong.
(By the way - I must get out of this habit of using capital letters to highlight words as if I’m shouting. It’s pathetic.)

RC 12-11-15

Christmas Spirit (and lack of)

I’ve arranged a little something for my staff for Christmas. We’re all going out to a Chinese restaurant on an all-you-can-eat evening special. A little more pricey than buying them a box of chocolates, but much more heartfelt, I’m sure you’ll agree. They’ve been great all year, and between them they’re covering my wedding break so I feel I owe them a big thank you. A table of twelve at £8.99 each isn’t going to bankrupt me is it? I’m not going to let them bring partners though, that would be far too generous, even for me.
It’s got me into trouble with my superiors. How dare I for arrange ONE EVENING THIS YEAR when all the staff will be off? Bastards. Thankfully my old mentor/comrade Mac (who did my training last year and has been a constant source of companionship and information) offered to cover it for me, so there’s an experienced manager on site til close-up. Again, this was frowned upon by Head Office, but Mac said “f**k ‘em” and I agreed wholeheartedly. I’ve improved the efficiency of the garage and profits are up in every possible way so if they can’t give me leeway to treat my staff AT MY OWN EXPENSE, NOT THEIRS, then they can stuff themselves like a Christmas turkey.

RC 11-11-15

Windy day, both outside and within

I had lunch in the supermarket canteen today. Sausage and baked bean casserole. God it was nice. One of the nicest meals I’ve eaten anywhere, ever, not just in a work canteen. The ladies that run everything there are called Stella and Ambrosia (honestly) and whichever one of them made the casserole is going to be my next wife. It was LOVELY. 
Trouble is, my body has reacted rather nastily to it all. Philippa has only been in from work for ten minutes and she’s already banished me to a separate room.
I may end up sleeping alone and crippled with indigestion, but my God it was worth it.

RC 10-11-15

And again with the rain

Still wet here in Suffolk. But let’s not dwell on that. Let’s ignore the downpour, and the darkness, and the driving wind, and the onset of Winter, and concentrate instead on things of a positive nature:

 1. The fact that I’m getting married on Xmas Eve means I get 10 days off work at the busiest time of year.
 2. The fact that I’m working in a filling station means ‘the busiest time of year’ will be nowhere near as busy as it would be if I worked in a supermarket.
 3.  The fact that I am the manager means I do not have to deal with shit dumped on me from a manager above me.
 4. I am soon to be married to the woman of my dreams.
 5. It’s only 139 days until we change the clocks again.

RC 9-11-15

Unexpected Utterances

Philippa kissed me this morning and said “It’s 45 days til our wedding!”
I love her and I can’t wait to be her husband, but every time she does something like that I get a rush of panic and feel like I’m going to throw up.
Nerves are weird, aren’t they?
Luckily we had a day at Ted and Beryl’s so I had the opportunity to be looked after and fed and to forget about our looming nuptials. Or so I thought…… But Beryl, being the ‘eternal maternal’ soul that she is, couldn’t stop going on about it and talked of little else. Thankfully Ted understood how I was feeling and dragged me off to the other room for a game of chess ‘just to get a break from her waffling.’
I used to play lots of games with Ted and I only realised today how much I’ve missed it. He’s great company, and hugely competitive, so as long as you let him win everything you tend to have a good laugh. When it comes to chess, ‘letting him win’ is a bit of a moot statement, as he normally kicks my arse within ten minutes anyway. He may be getting older and frailer by the day, but his mind is still as sharp as a sabre. His shaky hands struggle to move the pieces on the board, but the brain that decides what those moves will be hasn’t diminished in the slightest.
He still torments Beryl as well. But he is also capable of some heart-warming moments of tenderness and devotion. When I shared with him that I keep feeling sick with nerves he said “Every groom feels like that. I felt like that every second for months before Beryl finally dragged me into the church. The morning of the wedding I would have done anything and gone anywhere to avoid going through the damned service. But think what I would have missed out on if I had. Beryl’s a pain in the arse at times, but I wouldn’t be worth an aardvark’s fart without her.”
That may sound odd to you, but if you knew Ted you’d know that’s about as good a compliment as he can give. 
45 days to go…. Blimey……

RC 8-11-15

a quickie

Man I love fireworks. With the whizzing and the banging and the donuts and the warm weather! After a shitty day of wind and rain it was great to be standing outside, drinking hot soup and holding a hot dog, and watching several thousand pounds worth of colourful explosives detonate in the sky above me!
Now I am about to watch ‘The Day The Earth Caught Fire’ and I just hope that hasn’t happened anywhere tonight, what with all these bonfires…

RC 7-11-15
2130 GMT

Fireworks ahoy!

I’d completely forgotten that we’re off to a Fireworks do tonight! Hurrah and Huzzah! 
It’s cheered me up no end. Mind you, it’s been raining solid since 6am (again) so God knows if the event will even go ahead. And if it does, the field will probably be a quagmire. Hmmm, where are my wellies? In fact, do I even own any wellies? And do people even call them ‘wellies’ anymore? 
Either way I ‘d best go check in the garage. That’s where most of my things have been thrown, to make way for Philippa’s multitudinous collection of fashionable footwear. What is it about women and shoes????

RC 7-11-15

You'd never guess the clocks have changed

This has been a long week. Longer than a giraffe’s neck that’s been stretched in an unfortunate accident, or deliberately on a torture rack. Looooo-oooo-oooong week.
I think it’s because we’ve reached that point where I have to watch the daylight fade while I’m still at work, and then I have to drive home with my headlights on. I get used to it eventually, but it hurts like Hell when it first happens.

Philippa seems to have hit a turning point with her attitude to the wedding. “I’ll just be glad when it’s over now” has escaped from her lips at least twice this week. The good news is that almost everything is done and prepared, so we can relax a little bit now and look forward to the big day without panicking or attacking each other. I think we’ve done quite well, actually. I know so many people who spent months at loggerheads and then hated each other for the first year they were married, whereas we seem to have got through most of the planning trauma intact. Maybe me keeping out of it as much as possible and just saying ‘yes’ every so often was the key…

I’ve just had a horrible thought.
I have booked my wedding day off work, haven’t I??????????

RC 6-11-15

Overwhelming sweetness

My staff at work surprised me with an anniversary card today! To say congratulations on completing my first year in charge and to thank me for my efforts as their boss! It was as welcome as it was unexpected I can tell you. It had a lovely “Today you are 1” badge on the front and was accompanied by a quite large box of lovely chocolates. They were a brand that we don’t sell in the supermarket, so I know they made an effort and went somewhere to buy them rather than just nip over the road and get 10% off with their staff discount. 
I was, and remain, genuinely touched. 
I’m a ‘share and share alike’ kind of guy, so I opened the choccies at lunchtime and handed them round. Then I took the remainder into the office with me while I sorted out some spreadsheets. My intention was to save a few to bring home and give to Philippa, but unfortunately that didn’t quite work out. I got distracted by computer problems and fell into old habits of just reaching out and grabbing one from the box every minute or so without really thinking about it. It’s the new flavours that were getting me, you see. ‘Apple Crunch’ and ‘Salted Caramel Bite’ are making their debut this year and, oh my God, they’re incredible.
So I went past that point at which you still have time to stop yourself before you feel sick; and ended up feeling sick. I also felt like my body was convulsing in some kind of diabetic shutdown, and my teeth felt like they’d been stripped of enamel and were just bare nerves hanging in my mouth. I’ve only just now stopped my hands shaking enough to type this blog post.
Is it too early in November to claim it was Christmas over-indulgence???

RC 3-11-15

It hurts

Man, I have a hangover.
My head is pounding and my guts are churning and my neck feels like someone’s twisted it round nine times. So if you can read this blog posting quietly I’ll be very, very grateful. 
I feel awful, but at least I’m up and about. Neither Hannah nor Philippa have surfaced from bed yet. That Bacardi Spice must be pretty potent stuff. I’m glad I stuck to the rum-flavoured Foster’s Rocks. Mind you, eight cans before opening that bottle of wine may have been pushing it a little.
If you’ll excuse me now, I’m feeling rather nauseous again and the sofa is suddenly looking very attractive. It’s time for a few paracetamol and a rest before ‘NFL Live from Wembley’

RC 1-11-15