Love those subsidised social clubs

The party tonight should be good, but only because Hannah is coming with us. She and I can get involved in some sibling drinking and chatting while Philippa knocks back wine with her sporty chums. Apparently there’s live music and some ‘Hallowe’en games’ planned but personally I’ll be happy with some free grub and a cheap bar. 
It’s so nice to know I won’t be home getting pestered by trick-or-treaters. You’d think we’d be safe living in our little house in the Suffolk countryside but last year we had a group turn up unexpectedly. We gave them an apple and one Celebrations each and sent them on their way. 
This year I’ve bought in loads of Haribo and some fun-size Bounty, but they’re for personal use, not to share with the little shits who might come a-knocking. That’s one good thing about Hallowe’en - you get some lovely offers in the sweet aisle!

RC 31-10-15

Change of plans

Philippa doesn’t like my anti-Winter routine. She says it’s selfish and self-indulgent and needs to stop soon or I’ll be turning up at my wedding with a head injury. She doesn’t threaten me very often and when she does, it tends to turn me on. 
But tonight I could see she meant it, so I put down the drumsticks and postponed the movie and spent some time with her instead.
It was lovely.
Who needs drumming and games when you have conversation and cuddles?
Mind you, Philippa’s asleep now so I might nip out to the lounge and pop on ‘The Matrix.’

RC 30-10-15

The way out

I have a plan to combat the Winter Blues. I’m going to lose myself every evening in films, games, drumming and alcohol and just ignore the outside world until March. 
Philippa was out being sporty tonight so I had a chance for a trial run. I had a quick tea when I got in, then bashed the Hell out of my drums for ninety minutes. Then I had a quick shower, opened a bottle of wine, and threw myself into WWE wrestling on my games console of choice. It was, I have to say, marvellous.
Tomorrow night I’m planning Led Zeppelin, Stella Artois and “Mr Smith Goes To Washington”
Marvellous.

RC 29-10-15

Midweek Blues

Another day of wall-to-wall, dawn-to-dusk rain, but that’s ok, I’m getting used to it!
I’m driving home in the dark every night now, but that’s ok, it’s only for a few months.
Am I convincing anyone?
Winter sucks. It’s shit. It’s a big barrel of steaming shitty shitness that goes on too long and is too dark and too cold. I’m sure there are people who enjoy it, but they’re wrong ‘uns. 
Give me Spring, Summer and Autumn in constant rotation and that will be fine with me.

RC 28-10-15

Please STOP

This is how bored I was at work today:
The letters O, P, S and T - you can use them to spell OPTS, POST, POTS, SPOT, STOP and TOPS.
Is there any other group of 4 letters that can make so many different words?

That’s how bored I was today.

RC 27-10-15

Weekend regrets

The downside of changing the clocks back on a night when you’re drinking is that you stay up longer than you normally would and therefore consume more alcohol. It got to half-past-midnight and we were thinking about turning in, and then Hannah said “Hell, if we change the clocks now it’ll still be Saturday and we can go on a bit longer” and so that’s what we did.
Sunday was not pretty.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I’ve only really felt myself again in the past two hours or so. There’s an old cliché I’ve heard that goes ‘hangovers get worse as you get older’ and I think it may be true. I certainly don’t remember feeling as bad after a nights drinking in my twenties as I did for most of yesterday. 
My sister and my fiancee are a bad influence on me. Which is a shame, because Hannah is coming to stay again next Saturday….

RC 26-10-15

Thank God it's the Weekend

Somehow, I made it through to Saturday.
You may have noticed this week that I’ve been a little down, grumpy and irritable. I think it’s the time of year. I had a great Summer, but now it’s long gone I’m starting to trick myself into believing that I wasted all the good weather we had and now it’s not coming back for another nine months or so. I don’t like Winter all that much, and it’s here now. 
Aaaaannnyyyyyway, let’s not dwell on that! Exciting times ahead, with Hannah arriving first thing tomorrow and not going home until Monday night. Philippa is going to nab her for weddingy stuff this afternoon, so I get to spend time on my own on a Saturday! I feel back-to-back Bond films coming on in anticipation of seeing ‘Spectre’ next weekend. That, and a bottle of red, and I’m set fair for a Super Saturday! 

RC 24-10-15

Another ray of dain

Most of the local schools have broken up for half-term. They finished yesterday and they don’t go back until Monday 2nd November. What the Hell is going on? When I was at school we were lucky to get a full week off in October, now they’re at home for 10 days??? No wonder the country is falling apart at the seams. 
At least it pissed down again today, so most of them would have been stuck indoors and unable to play outside. 
The good news is that Hannah is off work as well, so she’s gonna come and stay with us for the weekend! That should be a giggle. We’ll get some wine in and maybe pop to the cinema or something. Not sure yet, we’ll have to see what’s on. The schedule is probably full of cartoons and kids films so they can eke every available penny out of hard-working parents who have to somehow keep their kids entertained over the next 10 days while it’s raining.
TEN DAYS, for ****’s sake………

RC 22-10-15

Winter fuels my poetic bent

Rained all day today.
Is there anything more miserable than a wet British day? With the low overcast constancy of cloud and the depression of incessant drizzle?
Sometimes, in the Summer, I fail to understand why anyone ever emigrates; why anyone even deems it necessary to venture abroad for vacation, when the glorious English countryside shines so bright and so beautiful. But on days like today, I get it. I understand. I see why they up-sticks and swap shores, and I envy them.

RC 21-10-15

Dread

I’m not exactly setting any records for blogging during October am I?
I don’t care! Life is busy and the weather has been pleasant so I’ve been cycling, walking, drinking and avoiding wedding nerves. 
Philippa has rejected my request to go away for the weekend over Halloween, but thankfully we’ve been invited to a party so at least I can avoid annoying trick-or-treaters. I’ll just have to put up with sports club folk in fancy dress behaving like nine-year-olds and bobbing for apples.
I’m sure I’ll cope, one way or another.

RC 20-10-15

Must be haiku day..

Winter has arrived
Do I turn the heating on?
Or wear a jumper?

Much less daylight now
And dropping temperatures
Thank God for onesies

‘Indiana Jones: 
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’
Is such a shit film

RC 16-10-15

Fears and Uncertainties

And suddenly, somehow, we are halfway through October.
Doesn’t life fly by? 
Next thing you know it’ll be Christmas, and I’ll be married!
I’m having one of those ‘doubt’ days where I’m anxious about the wedding and just want to cancel the whole thing rather than go through with it. Everything’s booked and paid for now so it would be a waste of money if we didn’t go ahead, but I’m still giving it careful consideration. If I feel this bad now, what the Hell will my nerves be like on December 23rd? I’ll have to have some tranquilisers hidden in my pocket, and maybe a bottle of tequila hooked directly into my bloodstream. 
Hannah said that at the last wedding that took place at Nathan’s church, the Best Man was so hungover he vomited in the font, so if I do keel over on the day I guess I won’t be the first. 

RC 15-10-15

The Buzz

I’ve gone on a bit of a mad shopping spree. I’m not sure what happened, but I think it’s Philippa’s fault for going out tonight and leaving me on my own. She should know by now that I can’t be trusted to behave in my own company. It started off innocently enough - I just thought I’d have a quick look at second-hand wetsuits on eBay to see what they were going for - but then I just lost control and went into full-on impulse-buying mode. I don’t treat myself very often so when I buy something nice I get that pleasant tingly feeling, and tonight I just kept chasing it and finding other useless shit that I convinced myself I could do with.
So now I have an all-weather wetsuit and boots on the way, as well as ‘dampeners’ for each of my drums (and I don’t even know what they do!!), a large build-it-yourself model of the Apollo 13 rocket (‘to wile away the Winter evenings’ I told myself) and a Limited Edition signed copy of Bill Oddie’s Guide To Great British Birds.
Thank God Amazon have a 14-day cooling-off period so I can send them all back before Philippa sees them and calls off the wedding so she doesn’t end up hitched to a madman.

RC 14-10-15

Some thoughts

It’s certainly turned a bit colder this week. And darker. Oh God, here comes Winter….

They keep asking at work when we’re going to ‘fancy-dress-up’ the garage for Hallowe’en. Not sure I’ve mentioned this before but I have a deep hatred for Hallowe’en and all it stands for. I’m not one of those mental fanaticists who claim it glorifies witchcraft and teaches children to worship the devil, I just hate anything that provokes fancy-dressed infants to turn up unannounced at my door.  Maybe I’ll go online and try and find some US Military sound-activated machine-guns that I can install on the drive. 

Anyway, on a happier note, I’ve been playing the drums a lot and I think I’m getting better! It’s taken a long time (and a little effort) but it’s almost like I’m a budding instrumentalist, rather than just some clumsy twat who fancies having a bash at a drum kit. If this continues I might some day get round to finding other musicians to play with. 

RC 13-10-15

(Long-awaited?) Return of Friday Haiku

Lovely last few days
I’ve been stocking up on Sun
and Vitamin D

The lawn needs a mow
Bloody grass is shooting up
Like it’s Spring again

Not long til Christmas
And yet it feels like Summer
What a weird climate

Cycling tomorrow
Using the Spring-like weather
To get bigger thighs

I enjoy haiku
I would love to write some more
But now it’s Wine Time!!

RC 9-10-15

Apologies for absence

I’ve been away from Blogland because I’ve had a lot to think about. Tom was his usual self on Saturday but I drank my way through the evening and it was okay. Poor Philippa, who was driving, and is also the one who most finds him difficult to deal with, was nearly in tears by nine-thirty. We’d heard all about his latest business ideas (which need to be good because his empire is close to crumbling) and all about his various children and their various talents and ailments, and we’d had to listen to how our choice of Christmas Eve as a wedding date was a bad idea because astrologically speaking it wouldn’t bode well for our future together….
Then he shocked us with this:
“It isn’t lost on me that your relationship started while you were both working for me. For that reason, I feel a kind of responsibility towards you, and for that reason I think I should shoulder part of the expense. So I wanted to see you tonight to let you know that I want to pay for your wedding.”
We were stunned. Philippa sat quietly and looked like she was about to say something regretful, so I leant forward and said “That’s incredibly good of you but really isn’t necessary. You have six children of your own, three of whom are daughters, I really think you’d be better putting the money aside for their weddings.”
He smiled and said “If my daughters get married it will be a simple, natural ceremony with very little pizzazz. And I already have enough put away to cover any costs I might incur. And besides,” he said to Philippa, “You’ve made the company far more profitable with your efforts than I could ever have done on my own. This is my way to pay you back and say thank you.”

“Why can’t he just give me a pay rise?” said Philippa on the way home. I could tell she was pissed off because she never speeds and always drives so carefully, and yet she had me gripping the seat for dear life as we screamed around the country roads. 
It was so hard to know what to do. It was a lovely gesture but could have been nothing more than a power move on his part. We don’t need the contribution, but if we let him shoulder some of the cost we can have a nicer holiday afterwards. I don’t have a problem taking the man’s money but obviously it’s more complicated for Philippa. 
In the end we reached a compromise. Tom is going to give us a cheque which he THINKS will be towards the wedding, but we’ll add the money to our ‘house deposit fund.’ That way, as Philippa so eloquently put it, “We can enjoy our honeymoon without feeling indebted to that lunatic.”
Families, eh?

RC 8-10-15

Fuel for thought

You’d be amazed how many people have asked me for my opinion on the ‘diesel emissions evasion scandal.” I really don’t care and I really don’t know much about it but I feel I should say something in reply, so I just direct them to the company website. I’m sure there’ll be a statement of some kind in there amongst the crap about Christmas and the excuses for people getting less storecard points than they used to. 
Today we are seeing our old boss, Tom. You remember? Philippa’s uncle, Father Of Many, Collector of Crystals and Believer of Shite Spiritualism, the ‘Wallpaper King of North Norfolk’? He wants to see us about something and so invited us over for a meal and Philippa felt obliged to say ‘yes.’ Last time this happened he had some ludicrous job offer that would have seen us take on a franchise and probably bankrupt ourselves, so I’m looking forward to it about as much as an elephant looks forward to root canal on it’s tusks. My plan is to take at least three bottles of wine and drink them all before he starts talking..

RC 3-10-15