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2014 wasn’t plain sailing on a bed of roses, but look at where we are now and tell me it hasn’t been a great year.
We’re engaged, we live together in a decent house that we don’t have to plan to leave anytime in 2015 (Two Christmasses in a row in the same house? It’s almost unheard of!)
I have a job that I only took to get me out of the supermarket, but that I’m starting to warm to and can see myself sticking at for a while (and believe me - I’m as surprised about that as anyone)
I feel mentally stable, emotionally secure, professionally satisfied and romantically as good as I think I’ve ever felt.
Oh - and with this little posting today, I achieve my ambition of writing 19 blogs per month throughout the year.
Happy 2015 all.
RC 31-12-14
We nearly had a punch-up on the forecourt today.
I thought the Crazy Christmas Chaos would have calmed down by now, but apparently not. A delivery van driver and a suited man in a people carrier almost came to blows over a near-miss with an open door. It all got very red-faced and pointy, but thankfully it all calmed down before I had to either intervene or call the police. Highlights of the argument included these statements:
“Just coz you drive a van doesn’t mean you have to be a c**t”
“If your wife wasn’t so fat she wouldn’t need so much f***ing room”
So much for Christmas cheer, eh?
RC 29-12-14
Happy Christmas all!
I’m never sure when you’re supposed to stop saying ‘Happy Christmas.’ You wouldn’t wish someone a happy birthday three days after the actual date, but Christmas is a TIME of celebration rather than just one day, so why not still send seasons greetings and best wishes up to and including December 28th? Whether you agree or not, I’ve done it now, so there we are.
What a great few days we’ve had!
My stomach, digestive tract and liver all feel as if they’ve been taken out of my body, run over by Santa with his full collection of reindeer and entire sleigh full of presents, and then forced back into me with a shoehorn. I may have to consider a diet soon. Well - not too soon. It is my birthday later in January so it would be silly to try and eat and drink healthily until after then, right?
In big ‘what I got for Xmas’ news - my beloved, beautiful, brilliant fiancee Philippa bought me A FRICKING DRUMKIT!!! She said that now we’re settled in a detached house and it’s got a garage that’s big enough she’s more than happy for me to smash the hell out of some skins in the evening while she watches girly television! I was so stunned I cried! Stunned that she managed to keep it a secret; stunned that she managed to have it delivered and hide it while I was out of the house at work; and stunned that she’s actually confident that I’ll stick to my drumming and it won’t have been a waste of money! She really is a star. She’s so thoughtful and loving. She took a day off work last week so she could have it delivered while I was out, and even had the guy from the music shop set it up and test it.
Suddenly that engraved necklace I bought her seems like a cheapo piece of shit.
RC 28-12-14
When did “Have A Good One” become an acceptable substitute for “Happy Christmas”?
RC 23-12-14
Christmas in Suffolk
Exactly like in Norfolk?
I’ll tell you next week..
Hanging mistletoe
Is a way to steal kisses
Without getting slapped
I hate wrapping gifts.
I like to buy, and open,
but wrapping them sucks
Mince pies are super
But nothing says Christmas like
Sherry at breakfast
With tinsel and stars
and a well-lit Christmas tree
Chez nous = tres festive!
RC 21-12-14
A truck driver insisted on speaking to ‘the manager’ today. He was 18 stone in weight, covered in tattoos and incredibly aggressive, and refused to leave until seeing me. I nervously came out into the shop, making sure we were standing in the right spot so that everything could be seen on the security cameras, and asked him how I could help.
He shook my hand with his and said “I just want to thank you for not playing Christmas shit in your garage this year. If I had to hear Mariah Carey again I think I might have killed myself.”
Tonight I told Philippa about it and we had a giggle and a cuddle, and she almost ended in tears. I’m used to her irrational emotions, so I just said nothing and let her compose herself, and she sniffed and said “We’ve been together four years now and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier.”
Blimey.
RC 19-12-14
My Christmas shopping is done!
It’s done, I tell you!
Done, done, done!!
What a wonderful feeling. Eight days to go and I have nothing left to purchase (until 11pm Christmas Eve when I suddenly remember I forgot someone and have to rush out to an off licence for some cheap wine and a Bounty)
It helps that I have a small family, and i leave Philippa to take care of her lot. So once I’ve ticked Ted and Beryl, Hannah and Nathan, and Sophie and Tamara off the list I’m home free. Apart from Philippa, of course, but she’s so easy to buy for it’s almost embarrassing.
And she’s done too!
So now I can concentrate of planning the alcohol and snacks shopping, and get my ‘Christmas Indulgence Head’ on.
RC 17-12-14
I worked in the supermarket for a couple of hours today. It was quiet at the garage and the Deputy Store Manager had to go home sick so I offered to step in and make up the numbers. They were all overjoyed and would love to reciprocate sometime, which is sort of the point of me doing it. I’ll keep storing up the brownie points and favours while I’m new enough to be enthusiastic.
It wasn’t too bad, but it did remind me of all the reasons why I wanted out of storework for so long, so I won’t be making a habit of it.
I did overhear two great comments from customers while I was over there.
This from a guy telling his mate why he’ll be spending Christmas alone:
“I know it was wrong, but my wife’s had four kids and her bodybits sag like a deflating bouncy castle. Natalie in the office had an arse as pert as a liferaft. I couldn’t help myself.”
And this from two women who I think walked straight to the supermarket from the set of Jeremy Kyle:
“Jack and Lucy are 5 and 7 and I know they’ll be laying awake all night waiting for Santa”
“We won’t have that with my Ellen. I’ll give her a shot of brandy in her bedtime milk and she’ll sleep right through”
“You’ll give your six-year-old brandy?”
“Well - it IS Christmas”
RC 16-12-15
I had my first ‘supervision’ at the garage today. One of my superiors came and met me and showed very little interest in what was happening, but just wanted to be able to tick some boxes and sign a sheet and send it off to HR and leave me alone for another six months. Fine by me. He did point out a couple of things. My Christmas rotas weren’t the way they expected them to be, but I convinced them to wait and see if they work before they condemn me simply for making a change. The important thing for me is that the staff are all delighted with the plans. I asked them all for a preference of when they wanted time off and I’ve managed to be fair to all of them without leaving us short-staffed. More brownie points for me, then…
The other thing ‘Mike’ moaned about was a complete lack of Christmas decorations in the shop part of the filling station. I said I wanted to provide a haven wherein people could avoid the onslaught of festive overkill for a couple of minutes. He said “Ok, but at the end of the day we’re a business and we make money by selling product. Christmas decorations remind people that Christmas is coming, and then they’re more likely to visit our adjoining supermarket and spend.”
I ignored the urge to argue about the stupidity of his comments and said “Okay, maybe next year. But I think the idea of attracting supermarket customers is the responsibility of the supermarket manager. Right now I’m just trying to sell petrol.”
He stared at me for a few seconds as if deciding whether he could be bothered to walk into a fight, and then just said “Fair enough”
I made him a coffee, we finished the paperwork, and he shook my hand and said “Keep up the good work”
Assuming they don’t close the garage, that’s exactly what I intend to do.
RC 15-12-14
I’ve made an absolute pig of myself today. Beryl was having her annual ‘pre-Christmas try-out’ so we popped round for the afternoon and got stuffed full of various pastry items. Sausage rolls made with port-and-marmite sausagemeat were my particular favourites, so after everything else was cleared away I finished off the trayful of those. We’re round theirs again on Boxing Day. So are 90% of the population of East Anglia by the sound of it. She was worried about her family members missing out on fun elsewhere by being at hers, so she’s told them to invite all their friends as well. She’s such a star. Every year things get more elaborate and extravagant, and every year everyone tells her to take it easy. Her standard reply? - “I’m getting old now and this might be the last time I’m able to do this, so I’m going to make it a good one.” Mind you, she’s been saying that ever since I’ve known her so I’m not expecting her to drop down dead anytime soon. In fact, I think she’s got worse since she agreed to stop planning Christmas Day get-togethers. Her family were worried about her keeling over while cooking a mountain of parsnips so they pestered her into giving up strenuous, stressful Christmas Days and just having a ‘little party’ on Boxing Day. So she responded by putting even more effort into the ‘little party’ than she ever put into a Christmas lunch. She is an unstoppable, determined force of nature and catering and I love her dearly.
RC 14-12-14
2100 BST
Philippa and I sat with the lights out last night watching the Gemini meteor shower dance it’s delights across the Heavens. God, it was beautiful. It saddens me so much to think more people would have been watching ‘The X Factor’ than were watching the skies, but stuff ‘em - at least we got to enjoy it.
I wasn’t sure Philippa would be into it, but she cuddled up beside me and put her arm through mine and we sat there for what felt like eternity. I guess love means you can enjoy anything together, but dazzling cosmic brilliance only adds to the effect.
At midnight we decided to have a candlelit bath together, but I think I overdid the bubble bath. It was like having a wash in Santa’s beard.
RC 14-12-14
God I hate people who cover the outside of their houses in Christmas lights. I’m all for festive cheer and sharing your joy but you can keep it indoors. I’d never force it onto people who might be walking past everyday. If you festoon your abode with a multi-coloured ostentatious obscenity then you’re not doing it for yourself and your children, you’re doing it to show off to strangers and out-do your neighbours. Is any address improved by having an awful over-lit nativity scene on the doorstep and an inflatable illuminated Santa in the garden?
There’s a house quite close to here that must have more lights outside it that the whole of Oxford Street. It’s a mess. They seem to have covered their house in a cargo net and then tied a million LED lights all over it.
It looks like ‘The Spirit of Over-Doing It’ sat on the roof and vomited.
RC 9-12-14
Christmas is a lot easier to organise when you and your partner work the same hours and have all your evenings together. And to think I was worried that Philippa and I might get sick of each other once we were spending more time together. So far it’s been wonderful.
It’s a bit early to be saying this, but I’m quite liking the idea of staying in this house and trying to buy it if the Bannermans go ahead and stay in Australia. Why shop around for a decent place to live when we have one in our laps already? As I stride into my thirties it’s nice to feel settled and happy and content and at home. Philippa has a bit of a drive to work but it doesn’t seem to be bothering her. I’m normally home just before her so I get some tea on the go and she comes in to find a cup of tea or glass of wine waiting, and the spell of a crap meal emanating from Rory’s Amateur Kitchen. Once a week or so she texts me to suggest she brings in a take-away, and we have discussed the idea of getting one of those slow-cooker thingmys so we can put food on before we leave in the morning and have it ready when we come in at night.
Hmmm, I may have just worked out what to get Philippa for Christmas…
RC 8-12-14
What a blast today has been!
We’d forgotten which one of us was supposed to be buying the Christmas decorations this week, so we both ended up getting a boxload. Today we started sorting through it all and deciding what to hang where, and we just hit it a point where we said “Sod it! Let’s put the whole lot up!”
So there’s now barely an inch of wall or ceiling without something sparkly and silver pinned to it.
What a laugh.
RC 7-12-14
Shapes I have had in my advent calendar so far:
A sledge
A bobble-hat
A snowflake
A wreath
A train (for some reason)
A candle
We’re off to watch the Christmas Lights switched on in a big local town today. I’ve been promised chestnuts and a hot toddy.
Mmmmmmmm..
RC 6-12-14
We’re decorating the house this weekend!
The nice thing about being somewhere new again is you can start afresh with brand new decorations and a brand new plan, without feeling obliged to follow the formats of previous Yuletimes. I know Christmas is all about repetition and familiarity but it’s very easy to fall into the tradition trap and just do the same things over and over because you’re scared of trying something different. How many families, I wonder, wish to put a Star atop the tree this year instead of the usual angel, but don’t because they’re all thinking “Everyone else will hate the change”?
It’s very strange the way we have hijacked the birth of our Lord to make it a time of mass spending while trying desperately hard not to annoy each other.
No wonder they say it’s the most anxious time of year….
RC 4-12-14
One of the things I love most about this time of year is seeing lots of ladies in their Wellingtons. We have so many wet days that the girls quite often have to put on their boots to walk safely and dryly through the puddles; and there is something about that I find really sexy.
I don’t know if it’s the material (and the promise of what‘s hiding beneath it), or the slapping of the top against the calf muscles, or the way the damp condenses and slowly dribbles down the sides; but seeing them makes me feel sexier than a salmon in spawning season.
If there was a magazine called “Women Wearing Wellies” I would buy it even if it cost me a fortune and my relationship with Philippa.
RC 3-12-14
I talked to Philippa about the redundancies thing and she was completely unbothered. She said “Let’s only think about it if it looks likely to happen”
Then she went on about what to get her mum for Christmas.
RC 2-12-14
My Christmas list:
(in case you’re planning to get me a present this year)
Rubik’s Void
A drum kit
Warm socks
Electric razor
Alcohol
RC 1-12-14
