haiku about the recent snow

It fell overnight
It hung around for two weeks
And now it’s all gone

RC 30-1-13

one of those days?

This will be Sophie and Tamara’s last week in Edinburgh!
Just 6 more days and then my older sister will be on her way back to Norfolk.
I’m so excited I could use the word ‘frenetic’ in a blog posting. 

Work was awful today. I think I went in with the wrong attitude to start with and the day just kept on getting worse. I made mistakes, I picked arguments, I knocked things over, and my shift felt like it lasted 36 hours. Maybe I’m pre-menstrual, I don’t know. All I can do is put it all behind me, have a glass of wine and hope for better things tomorrow. I don’t want to work there anymore anyway, so I don’t know why I’m surprised to be having days like today. My job-searching has been a bit relaxed and lethargic since Christmas - maybe it’s time I made it more urgent and frenetic.

RC 29-1-13

I can see the lawn again!

I watched the tennis final with Ted this morning. I loved the way Andy Murray went from being 'our Andy' to being a 'useless bloody Scotsman' in the space of one set. Good old Ted, with his changing loyalties and his deep-seated prejudices. I pointed out that Murray was playing in his third straight Grand Slam final and was currently Olympic Champion and US Open Champion and Ted said 'but he just lost' He does make me laugh. We enjoyed a nice beef sandwich after the match (thanks Beryl!) then I had to come into work for a late shift and an end-of-month stock-take. 

The snow has finally started buggering off after two weeks that felt like seventeen years. Loads of people called in sick because they couldn't be arsed to drive on the icy roads, which meant I ended up having to do a lot of early mornings, which meant a lot of driving on icy roads. Thankfully, TheLoveMachine was a little gem. After my unfortunate slipping incident a couple of weeks ago I started leaving earlier and driving slower and all was well. She handled like a beauty and started first time most days. Maybe she likes the cold weather more, who knows? I certainly don't, and neither does Philippa, so the house has been rather tense this week. Our interview at the house-sitting agency was postponed due to the snow, so Philippa has started panicking about us being homeless, even though we still have 3 months before we have to think about moving out. Bless her. I love her, but she's a trial at times. I'm slowly learning how to deal with her though. If she gets too moody I just send her off to play badminton and she comes back happier. If she's really annoying me I start calling her 'Pippa' and she walks away angry and gives me peace. 'Always be learning' that's my new motto. 
And now I'd better 'learn' my way back to the warehouse before I get in trouble for skiving.

RC 27-1-13

Just a quick update, coz I'm tired

What a birthday! And what a party! The snow got so bad in the evening that we all ended up staying over! Ted and Beryl’s family, me and Philippa, even Hannah and Nathan who surprised me by turning up later (Hannah’s gig was cancelled due to the weather) all camped out in various parts of the house. What a scream!
“It’s just like the war” Beryl said.
“No it isn’t” said Ted, “we’re not squeezed in a tiny Anderson shelter with Nazi bombs raining down on top of us”
Ah, what fun!

Philippa got me a card that said “This time next year we’ll be married!” I didn’t want to have an argument on my birthday, but we’ll be having serious words about that in the next day or two.

RC 22-1-13

My last day as a 28-year old!

Philippa and I went out for a meal this evening. I realised I was in the wrong yesterday and that I’ve been a bit flippant and childish with her, so I booked us in for a nice meal at an Indian restaurant.
I expected her to be overjoyed and overwhelmed when I told her, but when she got home she just said “You stupid twat, I’ve already booked us into the Chinese place on Rowe Street. I booked it ages ago as a birthday surprise.”
I said “Well, I didn’t know that, did I? You didn’t tell me you’d done that, did you?”
She said “No, you stupid shit, because it was a surprise”
Thankfully we laughed about it before things got any more heated; and thankfully I’d booked the Indian using a false name and number so we won’t get into any trouble.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, so please don’t expect me to post a blog. I shall be enjoying myself at Ted and Beryl’s, and probably very drunk.

RC 19-1-13

Paradox?

Can something that “winds you up” also “get you down”? Surely if one thing lifts you upwards and another thing pulls you downwards you end up in the same place? So if something ‘winds you up’ and ‘gets you down’ then it just leaves you feeling the same way as before you encountered it, doesn’t it?
I ask because Philippa says my constant moaning about work is winding her up and getting her down, so I said “In that case you must be feeling pretty neutral about it really. Good, I can keep doing it”
She hasn’t spoken to me since and looks like she might have been crying so I’m just wondering whether it might be my fault?

RC 18-1-13

snow-inspired haiku

It’s been cold this week
Work has been full of old folk
Buying bread and milk

A wintry landscape
Tempts me to go out and play
Shame I have to work

Farmers will complain:
“This snow plays Hell with my crops”
Bunch of old twatters

If I owned a sledge
I would take it up a hill
and slide down on it

Birds struggle for food
Please leave out some scraps for them 
And some water too

RC 17-1-13

Sycophants, etc, revisited

I had to have a follow-up meeting with Graham today, to go back over the stuff we went over at the seminar on Friday. 
Apparently Jerry and Claire sent the company a ‘debrief document’ about how they think the day went and how everyone reacted, and they gave me a glowing report! God knows what I did right, as I spent most of the day writing a CV in my notepad and daydreaming about Philippa in a swimsuit.  But maybe that’s the best way for me to work - let myself get distracted by something and just do the job itself automatically.
Graham says I have ‘redeemed myself in his eyes after a few difficult episodes last Autumn.’
I said “Yeah, sorry about all that. I wasn’t sleeping very well and I was getting stressed out about Christmas. I’m back on top of my game now and raring to go.”
Graham says that my New Year behaviour and attitude are a credit to me, and he pointed out that Jerry and Claire’s assessment, along with his own report on the day, will be seen by his superiors at Head Office. 
All of a sudden I am the Golden Boy at the supermarket and being looked upon as a future Store Manager. Shame really as I’d be so much happier if they sacked me.

RC 16-1-13

Cold, cold Norfolk

TheLoveMachine does not like snow.
She took bloody ages to get started, took bloody ages to get warm enough to sit in, and then skidded on every bloody corner and every time I touched the bloody brakes. Maybe Philippa’s right and it’s time I considered buying a newer, more reliable car. I said I’d only do that if we could keep TheLoveMachine to use in the Summer for camping. I then got a long lecture on the costs of keeping a car on the road and how pricey it would be for us to have three vehicles. I then said “Don’t talk to me like someone who’s never owned a car before - I know exactly what the price of insurance is” We then had one of our long, boring silent sulks that tend to go on for a week or so. Thankfully though we both calmed down after an hour and made-up by sharing a bath together. That was going well until Philippa said “I’m worried we might be damaging the bathtub” and got out “in case our combined weight is too much for the bathroom floor to handle”
Bloody women.

RC 15-1-13

Offer to end all offers

Beryl wants to throw a birthday party for me next Sunday!
She said “I know your older sister won’t be able to be here, and I know your younger sister is away with her band, and I didn’t want you getting all lonely and missing out, so how about a shindig here with our brood?”
I’m not sure how she ‘knows’ all the things that she ‘knows’ but she’s absolutely right and I’m absolutely delighted!
I’ve managed to get the Sunday and Monday off work. I think my efforts over Christmas week and my attendance at the awful Summer Seminar may have given me some brownie points, so there’s no need to hold back on indulging! And knowing Beryl and her gatherings there’ll be plenty of things to indulge in!
She asked me what kind of cake I’d like and I said “Anything that has some alchohol in” She also asked me if I had any other special requests and I said “Don’t go mad, Beryl. Just some cheap wine to drink and a simple meal will be fine”
When we left Ted said to me “I knew she wouldn’t be able to cope with the changes at Christmas. Being away and not organising a huge get-together just felt wrong to her, so thank God you were born in January or she’d have been pacing round the house until Easter”

RC 14-1-13

Sycophants and seminars

I thought my piles had cleared up over Christmas, but spending most of yesterday sitting down has left me rather sore and uncomfortable so I might go back to the Anusol.  The seminar, I have to confess, was nowhere near as bad as I expected. It was quite good fun, actually. Jerry and Claire - who ran it - weren’t from the company, they were outside consultants brought in by head office, so it was generic info rather than supermarket-specific bullshit. A lot of it was stuff that I might be able to use in other jobs, and learning it for myself would probably have cost a small fortune (especially judging by the sporty BMWs outside with Jerry and Claire‘s personalised number plates on)
The journey down there though was as awful as I had feared. Two hours of my colleagues battling each other to see who could crawl the furthest up Graham’s arse. Luckily I was really tired when we’d finished so I slept all the way back, which meant I missed out on another long session of “Yes Graham”, “Well driven Graham” and “Oh Graham you’re so funny” 
We got back in fairly good time too, so the day wasn’t as long as I’d thought it would be.
Today I wasn’t in until lunchtime so I had a nice lie-in with Philippa. I got to work just in time to find Steve from the alcohol department saying “Graham, yesterday was such a helpful experience, thank you so much again for inviting me.”
Prick.

RC 12-1-13

9 days & counting..

Soon it’s my birthday
Suddenly I’m twenty-nine
But feeling older!

Birthdays should be fun
A day set apart from life
To celebrate you!

Next year I’m THIRTY!
So this is my last year as
A twenty-something

Age is just numbers;
An irrelevant digit
With no real meaning

My birthday haiku
Is coming to an end now
Time for a nice drink..

RC 11-1-13

10 days til 29

We’re round Ted and Beryls’ on Sunday for the World Darts final. Ted is very excited. So am I to be honest. We don’t see as much of them now we’re in the new house and I miss them. I miss Ted’s biting sarcasm and Beryl’s marvellous muffins. I miss Ted’s raucous support of someone he’s never heard of before, just because he likes to have a vested interest in a sports event.  I miss Beryl’s rosy-cheeked nostalgic reminiscences when she’s had her third glass of sherry.
I miss them.

RC 10-1-13

Birthday soon..

I’ll be 29 next Sunday.
Bloody hellfire.
I’m sure it’s only three days ago I was celebrating my 18th.
Maybe life is built on a slope that increases it’s gradient the further along you travel; therefore the older you get, the quicker the days race by.
Yes, that would explain a lot of things.
Philippa noticed I had a ‘stray grey eyebrow’ last night. She had a pair of tweezers in her hand before I could even breathe. I wouldn’t have minded, but we were kissing amorously at the time and she interrupted all that to preen me. When I tried to kiss her again she said “I can’t. Not until you’ve let me pluck that eyebrow” I can only assume that when I’m full of grey hair she’ll find me completely repulsive. 
I am, to be fair, rather melancholy today. I’m not depressed or stressed or angry or anxious, I’m just feeling slightly off. It might be tiredness, I suppose. Work are pushing me to do more and more around the store, and my little three-hour sessions in the office ‘doing paperwork’ have been cut down to 90 minutes because ‘the updated, upgraded computer systems should halve the time needed for your online tasks and ordering duties.’
Bastards.
On Friday I’m off to Cambridge for the day. Why the Hell we can’t be spoken to about ‘The Summer Range’ in our own store is beyond me. I asked if I could get the train down but there are five of us going so we’ll be sharing a ride in Graham’s people carrier. I can’t imagine anything worse than being driven 100 miles by my boss while his sycophantic employees fall over themselves to compliment him on his driving skills, choice of car and general wonderfulness.  I’m also pissed off that we’re expected to do a full day WHILE WE ARE THERE. So the amount of time sat on my arse in a purple Ford Galaxy will be unpaid overtime.
Bastards.

RC 9-1-13

OCD? Me? Revisited..

I’ve decided on my blog-related challenge for this year.
I’m going to cram as many blogs into January as possible, then each subsequent month I have to do one less blog post than in the previous month. So if I do 25 in January, I’ll do 24 in February, then 23 in March, and so on and so forth.

(Until I hit 1000 total blogs, at which point I might still consider quitting for good.)

Up in the air, revisited..

Philippa has arranged us an interview with an agency that deals with house-sitters. I said it was nice of her to arrange these things without talking to me about them first. She said “I tried to talk to you but you thought it was more important to play some stupid sports game on the Wii”
I said “It wasn’t ‘some stupid sports game’ - it was Madden ‘13 and it was a Christmas present”
Then we didn’t speak for a few hours, then she said I should consider buying a suit.
Later, she asked if I would be interested in doing some role-play.. I got very excited and said ‘Yeah, baby! What kind of thing did you have in mind?’
She said “I’ll be the interviewer first and ask you some tough questions, then we’ll swap.” Talk about a passion-killer. I realised that I wasn’t going to get any peace until I let her talk to me about it so we sat down with a bottle of wine and she wittered on for about 45 minutes.  Some of it made sense; some of it was just manic rambling. When she finally paused for breath I said “Isn’t the most important thing the fact that we’re already experienced? Won’t a good reference from David and Becky be far more useful than anything we might say in an interview?”
Philippa’s answer went on for about 25 minutes, but I can’t really tell you what she said. Thank God for strong rioja……

RC 7-1-13

Summons

I’ve been asked to attend a management seminar at the end of this week. The topic, believe it or not, is ‘Maximising Summer Profitability by Early-Date Placement of Relevant Products”
Jesus, haven’t we only just taken down the Christmas decorations?
Haven’t we only just put out the Valentine’s cards and appropriate chocolate-based gift items?
Haven’t we only just started making space in the warehouse for the imminent arrival of Easter Eggs? Supermarket life just rumbles on from one big cash-grabbing holiday to the next, and I’m sick of it.
I might go down with a mystery bug on Friday. I really don’t want to spend ten hours in a conference suite being told how to merchandise flip-flops.

RC 6-1-13

Up in the air

My mind is once again a confusing, clouded whirl of wispiness.
I’m trying to take it easy and recover from a busy Christmas at work, and Philippa is charging round madly trying to keep herself ultra-occupied. She’s started to panic because it’s only five months until David and Becky come back from Hong Kong. FIVE MONTHS!!! I think she’s worried we might end up homeless. She is suggesting we try and house-share with Sophie and Tamara, but as I pointed out they already have a flat lined up to rent near the hospital. Philippa said “Yes, but that’s only a short-term thing. Maybe we could all buy a place together and share the cost a bit?”
I said “I love my sister, but I don’t want to commit to living with her for the rest of my life”
I was then called immature and argumentative so I blew a raspberry and then went off to play on the Wii.

RC 5-1-13

Friday haiku? Go on then..

Christmas has gone now
After all that mad build-up
It’s gone in a flash 

Christmas has gone now
So why am I not depressed?
It’s my birthday soon!

Christmas has gone now
But it’ll be back this year
Better start saving!

RC 4-1-13

OCD? Me? Maybe a little..

I failed to achieve my “18 posts a month” challenge in 2012, but it was nice to have ended the year with a round number of blogging - 850 posts since I first started all this ‘life-sharing’ stuff with you.
I’ve decided that in 2013 I’m going to give every month a nickname. So my last blog posting of each month will be a quick review of the previous 30 days or so, followed by the crowning of the month with an official title. If I was doing it for December 2012, for example, I might call it “The Month Of Piles (and piles of work)”
I still have some leftover wine in the kitchen from New Year’s Eve so I’m going to dive into that now. I don’t see the point of cutting back on drinking when it’s my birthday at the end of the month and my sister’s moving back to Norfolk soon…
I’ll sober up in Spring.

RC 2-1-13

Goodbye 2012, hello weird man with beard

I achieved my ambition to throw up early in 2013. I then passed out, and woke up at 5am this morning in the arms of a rather foul-smelling mechanic called Nigel. Don’t ask me how I ended up in his house and cuddling up with him on his sofa, but I didn’t hang around to wake him up and ask questions…
Philippa says she plays badminton with his wife. He’s a lovely bloke, apparently, and he just tends to hit the brandy a bit hard around Christmastime.
I don’t see how I can ever risk seeing him again so I told Philippa I might boycott the sports club for a while. She said “No point in that - we took loads of photos of you. I imagine they’re already on facebook.”
I hate the internet….

RC 1-1-13!