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I slept for eleven-and-a-half hours last night and man do I feel good today!
So good that I feel inspired to write a cheerful blog! Hurrah!
I also watched a cracking TV thing about Lewis Carroll, and about ‘The Hunting Of The Snark’ and it’s inspired me to write my own epic poem. I’m going to pretend it has a hidden riddle inside it that leads to some special treasure or enlightenment, so that sad obsessive people can try to decipher it for decades to come, ensuring a steady source of royalties-based income for my future descendants!
By way of practice, here is some Nonsense Haiku I rattled off today in my lunch break:
Apples and cherries
Ripen only in black soil
Because they are knights
The West coast of France
Glowing in the midday sun
Will light the true path
In the land of Belch
A mighty warrior hides
Bathing in jelly
If you have a cold
Sneeze only in red tissue
And you will be free
Time spent in labour
Trains you for the coming war
When Barbie will rise….
RC 29-8-12
The thought of whether to stop this blog or not was rattling round my head at work today and starting to drive me nuts, so I decided to make a decision.
I’m definitely going to continue until I hit 1000 blog posts, which I think would be a nice round number to finish on, and then I’ll decide whether to carry on or not.
If I’m good at nothing but one thing only, it might be putting off procrastination until a later date…
I’m currently approaching 800 posts, so you’ve got me and my ramblings for at least another year or so yet.
See you tomorrow, then.
RC 28-8-12
I had a strange thought last night as I lay awake dealing with insomnia.
The thought was - “I’m thinking of stopping this blog.”
I don’t know why, but I’ve been finding it quite hard to enthuse myself enough to keep writing it. My life has changed so much since I started this way back in 2008. I’m much happier, much more mature (I think) and the idea of sharing my life in an open, online way seems to be less appealing each day.
Maybe I’m aware that I have Philippa’s feelings to consider, and that it isn’t right to be baring my soul in a confessional way in a blog when I should be talking to her about these things in private. Maybe there are so many blogs and columns and TV programmes nowadays that show everyday people’s everyday lives that I feel a bit lost in it all and I don’t want to be associated with the likes of ‘Peter Andre’ and the other shit-stains that pollute our viewing hours with their self-importance.
Maybe I’m just lazy, and can’t be bothered anymore.
Anyway, I thought I would share with you how I’m feeling and thinking, even though it’s something I should probably be talking to Philippa about in private….
RC 27-8-12
I’ve got tickets for the Paralympics!
Philippa was a bit over-awed by the Olympic Games, and has been moaning that we seem to be the only people in Britain who didn’t go, and I fancy a couple of days away in a hotel, so I’ve got us tickets to some of the events!
Next Monday (3rd Sept) we get to enjoy the wonders of Wheelchair Basketball. Then we’re staying an a nice hotel, then we’re in the Olympic Stadium on Tuesday (4th) for the morning session of athletics! I’ve booked train tickets and the hotel room, I’ve arranged to change my shifts at work to suit, and I’ve spoken to Tom and got Philippa both days off so we can enjoy it without having to think about rushing back. It took me all day yesterday online and on the phone to put it all together and I was very pleased with my efforts!
When I told Philippa the good news she said “I’d rather have gone to the Reading Festival”
Sometimes, as a man in a relationship, it is impossible to do anything right.
RC 26-8-12
Hannah and her band have got themselves a few gigs in September. I don’t think the people booking them know they’re a Christian rock group as they’re going to some of the really rough pubs in the area. I think their ‘manager’ is hoping they’ll convert a few drunken louts with their music. I think it more likely they’ll find themselves ‘converted’ through the nearest window.
Still - at least she’s got a hobby and it gets her out of the house.
It’s a weird thing, but you would think having a relative in a band would inspire me to do more with my drumming, but it doesn’t. It makes me think I should give up or risk having it look like I’m trying to piggy-back someone else’s talent and career. Or maybe I just think about these things too much.
Yeah, you’re right - it’s time for another Budweiser.
RC 20-8-12
Bloody hell, it’s hot
Thirty degrees in Norfolk?
IT’S SUMMER AT LAST
I took advantage of the hot weather, and a hard-earned day off, and went for a long bike ride today.
What a stupid idea.
I think I’ve lost three-quarters of my body weight in sweat.
Next time it’s this hot, I’m going to sell my bike and buy a paddling pool, fill it full with icy water and just sit in it for three hours.
I’d like to write more, but the dehydration has made my fingers look like over-cooked cocktail sausages, and it’s painful to type, so I’m off now.
Best weather for years
And moaning old people say:
“Oooooh, it’s a bit hot…”
RC 19-8-12
I had another little disagreement with Philippa this morning.
For some reason that I don’t quite grasp, she has her alarm clock beside the bed set 15minutes early. She then sets her alarm for the time she needs to get up, so that when it goes off she knows that she still has 15minutes in bed.
This is ridiculous to me. Surely you’re getting less sleep than if you just set the alarm for the right time? Because now you’re being woken up 15 minutes earlier than you need to be, and then struggling to get back to sleep when you could have been asleep all along?
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, after she HAS been woken up 15 minutes early, she then keeps hitting the SNOOZE button so the pissing alarm keeps going off every 2 minutes until she eventually decides to get up, which is always at exactly 7am anyway. SO WHY NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TIME ON THE CLOCK AND SET THE ALARM FOR THE TIME YOU WANT TO GET UP??????
It perplexes me, and when I work a late shift and fancy a lie-in it bloody annoys me as well, so this morning when the alarm went off for the sixth time I quietly and calmly raised the issue by shouting “If that frigging thing goes off one more time I’ll throw it, and you, out of the window.”
I’m such a sweetheart.
RC 18-8-12
Forgive me for going against the mood of the nation, but I’m glad the Olympics are over. Yes, it was nice to have people smiling and positive for a change and actually talking to each other nicely instead of just bitching about ‘this government and this weather’ but even so…
I just spent two weeks feeling disinterested while people who have an unhealthy love of sport tried to convince me it was worth watching. Philippa bored me to tears with her explanations of the badminton, Ted made me suicidal going on about archery, and some weird Greek guy on the bus to work tried to engage me in conversation about handball. Thank God the Love Machine was only at the garage for one day because if I had to sit on the bus with him again I would probably have thrown him out of the window…
I’m still trying to work out how the BBC managed to show 12 hours of sport a day on four different channels when there was only 15 hours of sport a day in total.
There wasn’t even anything worth watching on the other channels because ITV just gave up and put crappy repeats of ‘Poirot’ on.
In the end I spent any time when there was an ‘important’ Olympic event on either watching a film or cycling. When ‘Team GB’ was competing both the roads and the cinemas were empty. And for that, I truly am grateful, and I hope we bid for the Olympics every year..
RC 15-8-12
I had a bit of a tidy-round in the kitchen this morning.
David and Becky have so many pointless electrical items it’s scary. No wonder they’ve had to take a high-paid job in Hong Kong for a year - they need the money to pay off their QVC bill.
In one cupboard they have a food blender, a hand-held food blender, a mini-blender, a plug-in carrot-slicer, a battery-powered herb chopper and ‘a chip shaper’
The whole lot must have cost about two grand. And the amazing thing is, I have ONE tool that can do all those jobs, and it only cost me about 90p.
IT’S CALLED A KNIFE!
RC 14-8-12
Philippa and I have been camping this weekend.
We stayed in Norfolk and went to the lovely seaside town of Wells, where the beach is within walking distance of the tent, and the campsite toilets are like something from a medieval history museum.
The weather yesterday was gorgeous. We spent most of the day lounging around on the sand watching fat tourists get sunburnt. In the evening we wandered into town for some tea and had an hour or so playing silly seaside amusements. This is something I missed out on as a youngster - the simple joy of stuffing 2p pieces into a machine and hoping to get a cheap plastic toy out of the bottom… What fun!
Now I am tired and disappointed to be back at home, and steeling myself for a return to work at 1pm. Wish me luck….
RC 13-8-12
Even as a person who is generally not a fan of sports, I have to say the Olympics have been extraordinary. Our complaints folder at the supermarket is virtually empty, and not one customer has moaned at me in the past ten days. I don’t think we’ve started doing our jobs better, I just think everyone is in a better mood.
The economy and the world in general is still in the same shitty state it was in two weeks ago but we’re not hearing and reading about it constantly because the bad news is being buried somewhere under the onslaught of sporting success. Any chance we could keep this positive spin on news going once the Games end? No, I don’t think so either…
What a ride it’s been though. We’ve had the Diamond Jubilee and a London Olympics almost back-to-back and both have been successful and everyone everywhere in this country is buoyant and smiling.
I just hate to think what people will be like in September..
RC 8-8-12
Following on from yesterday, here’s 5 things you might like to say if you DO get caught watching Women’s Beach Volleyball at midnight.
“I’m supporting Team GB… whatever the sport, whatever the time”
“Honestly, one of the girls on the Chinese team is the sister of someone I work with.”
“I’m a big fan of sand”
“I’m not watching the women - I’m enjoying the architecture of the buildings on Horse Guard’s Parade”
“Leave me alone, I’m having a wank”
RC 7-8-12
Ten lessons I have learned this week:
If I eat too much fruit, my shit comes out like gravy.
I am the worst possible person to decide what’s best for me.
My mind is not my friend - it’s my enemy.
Apologising to Nathan is ten times harder than apologising to Philippa.
Talking to Ted with the Olympics on is a waste of time and breath.
There is no way you can justify watching Women’s Beach Volleyball at midnight.
It’s impossible to win a Gold Medal without someone accusing you of doping.
BBC1 spend more time talking about sport than showing it.
Even ugly women look sexually attractive with an Olympic Gold Medal round their neck.
If I cycle more than seven miles I get piles and a numb penis.
RC 6-8-12
If I could just meet
Victoria Pendleton
I could die happy
Watching men wrestle,
and sports you'd never heard of;
that's the Olympics!
London Olympics:
Thousands of superb athletes,
and British weather...
RC 5-8-12
Yeah, I know, I was being a jerk.
I’m pleased to say I had a revelation about myself while cycling, and I have made steps to repair things with Philippa.
Sometimes I feel as if everything that goes wrong in our relationship is down to me, and other times I realise that actually everything that goes wrong in our relationship really IS down to me… Philippa is wonderful and is undemanding and is caring and selfless and wonderful, while I exist in an emotionally-enclosed world of self-doubt, insecurities and anxiety. I get so worried that she’s going to realise I’m no good for her that I start doing things that might make her realise I’m no good for her. I believe the professionals call it a self-fulfilling something-or-other. The stupid thing is that I realise that when I’m feeling ok about myself and not doubting myself, I accept that Philippa loves me and everything is great. When I’m NOT feeling good about myself, I assume she isn’t feeling good about me either, and I assume that she’s thinking the same things about me that I am, and I act accordingly. But I’m only acting in reaction to my own thoughts, rather than what she’s actually doing or saying.
I thought writing this all down might clear my head a bit but I now feel more confused than ever.
I’m off to buy Philippa some flowers now…
RC 3-8-12
Philippa is thinking about moving out, or making me move out. I’m not sure what I’ve done, but I asked her what I can do to improve things and she said “Learn how to live with someone like you love them”
I am taking myself off on my bike tomorrow to think long and hard about that.
The way things have been this week I have to say I won’t be bothered if she’s gone when I get back.
RC 2-8-12
Another month gone
My life is ticking away
Like a watch on speed
1-8-12
